The School’s Top Idol Is Acting Like She’s My Childhood Friend for Some Reason and Just Keeps Closing the Distance on Her Own…?! ~Stop Getting All Gloomy on Me Just Because I Turned You Down!~
Walking side by side with Rino down the hallway after school, it felt just a little quieter than usual.
In reality, that wasn’t the case.
I could clearly hear the voices of students heading to club activities, the laughter of classmates chatting in the classrooms, and the footsteps of someone running down the stairs.
But my attention was focused on Rino beside me.
Her fingertips were touching my sleeve.
She wasn’t holding my hand.
She was just touching it.
And yet, that tiny point of contact felt unnaturally hot.
A moment ago, I’d said it out loud myself.
That Rino was important to me.
The moment I said it, the air in the classroom seemed to freeze. Hara and Shinozaki froze in place, and Rino looked at me with a face that looked like she was about to cry.
Whenever I recall that expression, my heart still flutters.
I was happy.
I think Rino was probably incredibly happy, too.
And I, too, was a little happy that she had given me that look.
But beneath that happiness, another emotion was mixed in.
Fear.
I said she was important to me.
I wanted to cherish her.
At that moment, the wounds from my past that had been dormant inside me slowly began to awaken.
The more I cherish someone, the greater the pain when I lose them.
The closer I get, the deeper the words cut when I’m rejected.
I know that.
I know it all too well.
“Seita?”
Rino peered at my face.
“You look kind of gloomy.”
“……Is that so?”
“Yeah. It’s a little scary when you make that face right after telling me I’m someone special to you.”
Rino’s voice had a playful tone.
But there was anxiety lurking beneath it.
I stopped in my tracks.
We were in a hallway with few people, on our way to the entrance. Evening light streamed in through the windows, casting long shadows on the floor.
“Rino.”
“Yeah.”
“Can we talk outside for a bit?”
Rino nodded immediately.
We left the school building and headed for a bench at the edge of the schoolyard.
On the playground after school, the sports clubs were cheering. In the distance, I could hear the sound of a ball bouncing, and someone was laughing. It was a scene that seemed to embody the very essence of “youth.”
Looking at that scene, my chest tightened just a little.
Youth.
Something I’ve loved, hated, longed for, and resented all my life.
Youth in romantic comedies was beautiful.
The walk home under the sunset.
The after-party at the cultural festival.
Being called by name.
Holding hands.
Feeling that someone is important to you.
I was saved by those things time and time again.
But real-life youth wasn’t kind to me.
The junior high school hallway.
The heavy atmosphere in the faculty room.
The words hurled at me by a teacher.
Rejection from the girl I liked.
The stares of those around me.
Days when it felt like no one could hear the sound of me falling apart.
All of that still lingers inside me.
When I sat down on the bench, Rino sat down next to me.
She’s close.
But today, I couldn’t respond to that closeness right away.
“I love youth,”
I said, gazing out at the field.
“When I watch stuff like ‘I Don’t Need Youth!!’ or romantic comedies, I can’t help but think they’re great. I agonize over them like an idiot, my heart feels like it’s going to stop, and I get murderous thoughts toward protagonists like Wataru Kahiko, though.”
“Murderous thoughts are no good.”
“It’s just a theoretical desire to kill.”
“That’s still not okay.”
Rino’s retort was a little gentler than usual.
I almost let out a wry smile, but quickly continued.
“But it hurts precisely because I love it. Because it’s something I never had. Because I tried to reach for it, and failed.”
Rino listened in silence.
“Back in middle school, there was someone I liked.”
Rino’s fingertips twitched ever so slightly.
But she didn’t say a word.
“I didn’t actually confess my feelings. I just tried to get closer, talking to her a little here and there. I think that was all it was. But I guess she must have found it annoying.”
That voice resurfaced deep in my ears once more.
[Could you please stop coming near me? And stay out of my class, too.]
A chill crept deep into her chest.
Even though time had passed, it still hurt.
“When I heard those words, I felt like I was some kind of mistake. Just getting close was enough to make her dislike me. The very fact that I had feelings for her was a nuisance. So I figured I might as well not get close to anyone from the start.”
Rino gasped.
“After that, the teachers said all sorts of things to me, too. I became afraid of how people around me were looking at me. I ran away from what you might call my youth. But even though I ran away, I kept watching romantic comedies.”
He said it himself and almost laughed.
How pathetic.
Even though I ran away, I kept watching them.
While pretending I didn’t want it, deep down I’d always wanted it.
“In romantic comedies, even when the main characters make mistakes, someone is always waiting for them. Even if the heroine cries or gets angry, there’s always a place where they can face each other in the end. But in my reality, there was no such place.”
That’s why it became a complex for me.
The brilliance of youth burns my eyes.
Every time I see a sweet romantic development, my heart aches.
But I can’t bring myself to hate them completely.
Because I didn’t want to end up hating the very works that saved me.
“I have fun when I’m with Rino,”
I said.
I sensed Rino looking my way.
“Calling your name, holding your hand, telling you you’re important to me… it’s scary, but I don’t mind. In fact, it makes me happy.”
Every time I say those words, my chest grows warm.
But at the same time, the pain from the past gnaws at me.
“But it’s precisely because I’m happy that I’m scared. I’m afraid that someday you’ll tell me not to get too close again. I’m afraid I might misread the situation, overstep my bounds, and end up putting you in an awkward position. When I think about that, I can’t help but want to stop myself.”
When I finished speaking, my throat felt dry.
On the field, cheers erupted—it seemed someone had scored a goal.
It was a dazzling sound.
As I listened to that sound, I clasped my hands on my lap.
Rino didn’t say anything for a while.
That silence scared me a little.
Was it too much for her after all?
Was it a bother?
Just as those anxieties began to spread through my chest, Rino’s hand touched mine.
Slowly, our fingertips touched.
“Seita.”
“……Yes.”
“I’m not going to tell you to stay away from me, Seita.”
Rino’s voice was quiet.
But it had a firm resolve behind it.
“I won’t. Absolutely not.”
I looked up.
Rino was looking straight at me.
The depths of her eyes were slightly moist. But her gaze didn’t waver.
“If Seita scares you, take your time. Calling my name, holding my hand, telling me you care about me—take your time with all of it. But I don’t think it’s a bother at all if Seita gets close to me.”
Rino’s hand gripped mine a little tighter.
“If anything, I want you to get closer.”
Those words carried a lot of weight.
But for me right now, they were also a source of comfort.
“I was really happy when you told me you cared about me, Seita. But if you got scared after that, I’ll be right there with you. If that ‘adolescence complex’ of yours starts acting up, I’ll be right by your side to beat it down.”
“You’re going to beat it down?”
“I’ll beat it down.”
“That’s pretty violent.”
“I won’t forgive anyone who bullied you in the past.”
Rino was serious.
She was so serious that I couldn’t help but smile a little.
Maybe that was for the best, because Rino’s expression softened just a little.
“And one more thing, Seita.”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t come here to take away your youth, Seita.”
The evening light illuminated Rino’s profile.
“I want to build the rest of it together with you.”
The words sank slowly deep into my heart.
The rest of it.
The rest of what had once been broken.
I never thought I’d be allowed something like that.
I thought my youth had failed in middle school and ended right there.
But Rino says she won’t let it end there.
“I love it when you say, ‘I don’t need youth!!’ I love everything about you—the way you scream while watching romantic comedies, and the way you start weird trials because of your ‘youth complex.’ I love it all.”
“If you like me that much, my dignity—”
“I love your dignity, too.”
“That’s scary.”
Rino laughed.
That smile gave me a little bit of relief.
“So, Seita—”
“Yes.”
“If you get scared, tell me. Tell me before you run away. Then I’ll wait for you.”
I couldn’t answer her right away.
Wait.
If I get scared, she won’t corner me—she’ll wait.
The Rino I used to know would have grabbed my sleeve and told me not to run away.
But the Rino I know now—knowing how scared I get—told me she’d wait.
That touched me more deeply than I’d expected.
“…Thank you, Rino.”
Her name just slipped out naturally.
Rino narrowed her eyes, looking pleased.
“Mm-hmm.”
“I’ll probably still get scared a lot.”
“Yeah.”
“I might suddenly say something weird, or I might feel like running away.”
“If that happens, I’ll grab your sleeve.”
“Weren’t you supposed to wait for me?”
“Preventing you from running away is a different matter.”
“That standard is scary.”
Rino laughed.
I smiled a little, too.
Our hands were still clasped.
The cheers from the field, the sunset, and the sound of the club activity whistle blowing in the distance all felt just a little softer than they had a moment ago.
My “youth complex” will surely never go away.
The pain of the past and the memories of rejection aren’t convenient enough to just disappear easily.
But right now, with Rino holding my hand beside me, I felt like I could see that pain in a slightly different light.
New memories are piling up on top of the wounds carved by the past.
The day I called her by name.
The day we held hands.
The day I told her she was important to me.
And the day I told Rino about my “youth complex.”
Those moments are gradually rewriting my own version of youth.
“Rino”
“What?”
“I used to think I’d be fine just reading romance comedies.”
“Yeah.”
“But now, I’m starting to think… maybe it’s okay to have a little bit of that inside me, too.”
Rino held her breath.
Then she smiled slowly.
“That makes me really happy.”
“But I won’t tolerate anything like Wataru Kahiko’s ‘Youth Overload’ style.”
“You won’t budge on that, huh?”
“It’s against the rules for the number of heroines to increase just because you’re agonizing over it.”
“Seita, you have a heroine right now, too.”
“One is enough.”
After saying that, I froze.
Rino froze, too.
The sounds of the evening playground suddenly seemed far away.
What had I just said?
“One is enough.”
Doesn’t that mean I’ve admitted that Rino is that one person?
It’s over.
My teenage complex has finally started writing its suicide note.
“Seita.”
“Please forget what I said.”
“I can’t.”
“I knew it.”
“One person is enough.”
“It just slipped out.”
“Am I enough?”
“……”
I couldn’t answer.
Rino’s grip tightened.
Her eyes flickered with a hint of anxiety.
Don’t run away now.
I just said that a moment ago.
If you get scared, tell me before you run away.
My face burning, I somehow managed to squeeze out the words.
“……Because it’s you, Rino, that’s enough.”
Rino froze completely.
The next moment, her face turned bright red, and she looked down.
“Seita, that’s impossible.”
“It’s impossible for me, too.”
“I’m too happy—I can’t do it.”
“I’m too embarrassed—I can’t do it.”
Rino didn’t let go of my hand.
If anything, she gripped it even tighter than before.
“Seita.”
“Yes.”
“Can I be a part of the rest of your youth, Seita?”
I glanced over at the field.
A dazzling voice.
The sunset.
Laughter in the distance.
The old me would have thought there was no place for me there.
But now, Rino is right beside me.
I squeezed her hand back.
“…Please stay.”
Rino smiled, her face on the verge of tears.
“Okay.”
That day, for the first time, I felt like I could accept the word “youth” just a little bit.
Maigetsu