I’ve Been Reincarnated as the Childhood Friend of a Doomed Heroine. Since I Don’t Want to Get Caught up in Her Bad Ending, I’ll Make Sure She Ends up Happy
—◇—
It was a dark room.
No, that’s not quite right.
I’m not sure if it was actually dark or if it just seemed that way because of my state of mind.
It was a space with that level of realism.
There was a coffin right in front of me.
It was a pure white, beautiful box.
When I looked inside, as expected, a person was lying there, asleep.
She was a young woman, probably in her late teens.
Her face was obscured by something like a mosaic, so I couldn’t make it out clearly.
But I could somehow sense that her expression was peaceful.
It’s strange.
She was usually so quick to fly into a rage, so jealous, and so openly emotional.
To think she’ll never wake up again.
—Which is only natural, since she’s dead.
This woman’s cause of death wasn’t suicide or anything like that.
She was sick.
Apparently, it was already terminal by the time it was discovered.
She was given a terminal diagnosis and passed away just half a year later.
As I gazed at her, something hot gradually trickled down my cheek.
The slimy sensation grew cold as it was exposed to the air.
“…I’m going to die, too.”
I don’t want a world without her anymore.
…If I’d been able to face the situation enough to utter such a corny line, I probably wouldn’t have come to this conclusion.
I just can’t bear the thought of living on my own from now on, living a carefree life all by myself.
All that time she was enduring and fighting, I was out having fun all by myself, completely unaware.
I’m just sick of myself, and I just want to run away.
I don’t know what kind of face I’m supposed to put on to keep living from here on out.
So let’s just end it here.
Since my life had been so shallow—devoid of goals or regrets—I was able to make that decision without a second thought.
I don’t remember much of what happened after that.
Before I knew it, I was back in my own room, in the dirt-cheap college apartment where I’d lived for just a year and a half.
With the rope I’d gone out of my way to prepare lying right in front of me, I stepped onto the stool.
And then, a faint smile slipped across my face.
I’m sure she’ll be absolutely livid.
[Are you crazy? I’ll never forgive you for killing yourself over something like that.]
[Besides, what good would it do if you died?]
[You were always so shy, trying to brush it off with that vague smile. In the end, you never once told me you liked me, did you? I haven’t forgiven you for that either, but I’ll never forgive you for dying.]
It felt like I could hear those words coming from the corpse just moments ago.
But it’s okay now.
I quickly looped the rope around my neck and kicked the step stool I’d been standing on as hard as I could, sending it flying far away.
“This will bring me relief”—that’s what I thought.
But reality isn’t that forgiving.
Yes, reality isn’t.
“Huh!?”
As the noose tightened around my throat, I realized it instantly.
That I’d been a complete idiot.
That death was something completely different from salvation.
—It hurts! It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!!
I struggled desperately against a despair I’d never experienced in my entire life.
I kicked my legs, tried to hook my fingers into the noose around my neck to keep my airway open, and when that failed, I dug my nails in.
And the more I thrashed, the more the pain intensified, of course.
Something’s wrong.
According to my plan, my neck was supposed to snap immediately, and I was supposed to lose consciousness.
Or rather, that’s exactly how it was supposed to be.
As if the purpose were to deliberately dredge up the trauma implanted in me in that single instant, the agony continued.
Amidst it all, my eyes bloodshot, I prayed.
I want to survive.
But I want relief, and fast.
I want to die.
But I don’t want to die.
I’m scared.
I absolutely, positively do not want to die.
I’m afraid of dying.
I don’t want to go through an experience like this even once.
That’s right.
No matter what, I’m not going to die—!
In a world gradually stained with blood, I think to myself.
Yes, I—
I—Kyota Toyono—vow with all my heart.
I never want to feel this way again.
That’s the lesson I, a fool, learned by staking my life on it.
For me, death was neither salvation nor anything of the sort.
I’m done with willingly accepting it.
Next time, I’ll fight it head-on.
Even if it’s a death forced upon me from the outside.
It sounds ridiculous coming from someone who’s already taken his own life once.
But that’s exactly why.
With a strong resolve, I’ll face my second self this time for real.
Amid my fading—no, awakening—consciousness, I realize once again.
That I fear death more than anything else in this world.
And above all else.
That I have no right to fall in love with anyone.
—◇—
“Waaaaaah!?”
I let out a loud scream and bolted upright.
At the same moment, the comforter that must have been draped over me was violently blown away.
In a daze, I stared at the scene for several minutes.
I gradually regained my senses and looked around.
Huh, why was I sleeping again?
This isn’t my house, and I don’t get it.
I’m pretty sure just a moment ago… Wait.
This is bad.
I can’t quite remember.
The only thing left in my head is the distasteful trauma I’ve been ignoring ever since I was born as Kyota Toyono.
Just as I was feeling confused, I heard a voice from beside me.
“Good morning.”
“Huh? Wait, is that… Senpai…?”
“To be able to gaze upon such a beautiful face right after waking up—you’re a lucky guy.”
“……”
I felt relieved to hear Yukimi’s playful tone.
And then, little by little, I began to remember what had happened.
That’s right.
I’m pretty sure I’d been in one mess after another until just a moment ago.
Right after arriving at school, I was told about Chagiri’s s**cide, and when I went to see Yukimi about that, I was then told about Ouka’s scandal.
After that, all sorts of things happened, and I threw up in the bathroom.
…And after that, I have no memory at all.
“Where am I? Where is this?”
“The nurse’s office.”
“Huh? When did that happen?”
“I heard a huge crash coming from the boys’ restroom, so I rushed over—and there you were, pinned against the door, lying on the floor with your eyes rolled back and foaming at the mouth. It was a real struggle to carry you all the way here and get you to lie down.”
“……I’m sorry.”
“But at first, I almost thought you were just messing around. I’d heard from Hanesaki-san that you often roll your eyes as a joke, so I figured you were just making a funny face again.”
“Hey.”
It seems it was a close call.
Because of my usual goofy behavior, I almost got left behind.
I don’t remember it myself, but if help had been delayed, it might not have ended well.
“What time is it now?”
“The second period is almost over.”
“…Man, I really slept for a long time.”
If I count from before morning assembly, that’s about two hours.
That means Shinori probably knows I’m lying here like this.
At first, that thought made me feel down.
Just then, Yukimi said gently,
“I guess I ended up bringing up a sensitive topic.”
“……It’s fine.”
Needless to say, she was referring to the topic we were discussing right before I started acting strange—in short, the whole thing about me dating Ouka or whatever.
There’s absolutely no reason for Yukimi to apologize.
It’s just that, for me, the word “dating” felt too heavy.
So much so that I’d unconsciously made it a complete taboo in this lifetime.
Seeing me fall silent, Yukimi flashes a rare, almost tearful smile.
Then she placed her hand on top of mine.
“It’s always felt a little off to me—seeing you frown every time those cute girls tried to hit on you.”
“……”
“At first, I thought maybe they just weren’t your type. But even so, I felt like you were taking it way too seriously.”
“Is that so?”
Even after she said that, I still didn’t really get it.
“Next, I thought maybe you were gay. I mean, it’s not like that’s anything strange, right? Society is gradually becoming one where the idea that everyone’s sexual orientation is different should be accepted as a matter of course.”
“……”
“But I quickly realized that wasn’t it either. I’d noticed how you’d occasionally glance at my chest with such curiosity. So I concluded you must definitely be into women after all.”
“What are you suddenly talking about?”
“But—”
I cut her off because she was about to go off on a tangent, but Yukimi immediately shook her head.
She just kept looking at me sadly.
“I finally realized something just now.”
“What is it?”
“It’s simple. The reason you don’t date is exactly what it sounds like—you just have a strong aversion to the whole concept of dating. Isn’t that right?”
“……”
“In short—you harbor a bottomless fear of romance, don’t you?”
“!”
As expected, I thought, this upperclassman really is something else.
And I realized I couldn’t keep any secrets from her, either.
I let out a deep sigh, smiled, and resigned myself to it.
Maiban