I Went Back in Time to 10 Years Ago and Saved My Young Lady Childhood Friend and She Became My Fiancee ~She’s Honest and Cool and Looks at Me Like She Wants to Be Cared For~
I don’t know much about human warmth.
Ever since I was a child, there was no one by my side.
The earliest memory I can remember is of my father rejecting me.
When I was young, I found my father at the main family mansion. His hair was dyed and his clothes were worn loosely. When I ran up to him, he clicked his tongue slightly. I feel like he told me to stay away from him and said something like that.
But I clung to that leg. What was I trying to do? My mother died when she gave birth to me. Therefore, my father is the only parent left. Maybe I was looking for love.
My father forcefully shook me off.
“I wish you had never been born. ……”
For some reason, I still remember the words he muttered to me.
I never saw my father again after that.
I am a child of iniquity. From early on, before primary school, I understood that I was such a foreign object. That’s why everyone hates me. That’s how they perceive me.
My grandfather, the head of the family, said to me.
“You yourself are worth nothing.”
I thought that must be so. There is no particular reason for me to be in this world.
“Just learn to study and be polite. Then you’ll still have some use for me.”
‘I understand,’ I replied.
I became a machine to learn only that.
I moved away from the main family and started primary school.
The flat where we moved to was said to have once belonged to my mother. But there was no sign of it anywhere. It was a room with only the bare minimum of furniture.
At school, I immediately started to be disliked by everyone around me. No wonder. Because I don’t need to be there. Being disliked is the most correct.
I was still and quiet like a machine. I did well in my studies, so in primary school I still didn’t hear anything from the main family. I felt like they spoke to me about something in class sometimes, but I wasn’t sure.
I just had homework to do, lessons to learn and sleep. There was no TV, games, novels or anything else to disturb me.
I was awake, but my surroundings were a blur all the time. Sounds are distant, like a dream, and my vision is blurred. I feel like I’m in a fog. I don’t know whether I’m alive or dead, and I just do what I’m told to do.
-In those days, only one boy was noise.
That boy was always in front of me for some reason. He is talking to me. All the time, even though I didn’t respond. I don’t know why. I’m someone who doesn’t need to be there. Nothing would ever come out of his mind about me.
But one day, I noticed that he was standing there protecting me.
“Hey, why did you just now try to splash water on her?”
It seems that someone tried to pour water on me. That happens every now and then.
He apparently stopped them.
Why?
“I know she doesn’t react very well. But that doesn’t give you the right to pour water on her”
It doesn’t matter, it’s fine.
Thinking this, I stared blankly at his back.
Eventually, perhaps overcome by his words, the student who had tried to pour water on me walked away. He turned back to me and smiled.
“Sorry. I wish I’d recognised you sooner.”
No, I thought. Why. Why is he talking to me? What does he want from me, who has nothing? Even if I help him, I have nothing. There’s no point in calling out to me. What do you want from me?
“—Um”
It was probably the first moment I ever spoke up in front of my class. It had been a long time since I had even spoken out loud, and I had hardly ever had a conversation. So only simple words spilled out of my mouth.
“……Why me?”
He was amused at me for speaking out. Eh? His voice leaked out. It seems that my words were not understood. I hurriedly added.
“Is there something you want me to do for you, ……?”
“No, I don’t.”
This time I was surprised. No, but you helped me? How could he?’
Confused, he thought for a moment and then said, ‘…… if you say so’. To which I was a little relieved. Well, there are things he wants me to do, after all. I don’t believe in kindness without payback.
And yet he looked a little embarrassed and said.
“Do you want to be my friend?”
A bright white light flashed in my thoughts. It was such a shock. A lie, I thought. But he doesn’t look like he’s lying. A friend? That’s all? To me?
I found myself fearfully holding out my hand. He shook my hand back.
I thought it was a warm hand.
Years passed and now. Christmas.
His hand is just as warm as it was then, as he pulls my hand to go home.
Today, everything became painful and I wanted to throw everything away and disappear.
He came to me like that.
(Shuu-kun comes to me ……)
When I am in pain, he is the only one who is there for me.
If it wasn’t for him, I might have really died.
I feel like he has changed his mood while I haven’t seen him for a little while. He’s become cooler. Like he always has been, but a bit more different.
He is walking with me by the hand like when we were in primary school. Just with that, a warm light starts to shine in my empty chest.
He gave me warmth. He is still giving me warmth like this.
(But …… what is this throbbing?)
When I am aware of his hand, somehow my heart beats faster.
I feel heat rising up to my throat.
I squeezed his hand on my chest so that he wouldn’t notice.
I don’t know why, but I didn’t want him to notice this feeling.
(…… I wish we could be together all the time.)
I stared at his serious profile while thinking like that in a daze.
Maiban