A Cheeky Junior Denied Me My Entire Life, so I Tested What Would Happen if I Jumped off a Rooftop to Vent My Anger
Me, Rengo and Usa-san were close childhood friends.
A boy and a girl of the same age who happened to live in the neighbourhood. Toyama Rengo and Usa Ririka. We were childhood friends from before we went to primary school, we went everywhere together, and we were the best of friends who could talk about any secret without hiding.
Rengo has always been a big guy, but when he was a child, unlike now, he was shy and always looked at the faces of those around him. Usa-san has always been handy and good at everything, and me and Rengo always followed her around.
Usa-san was our idol.
The three of us were very close. We were always together at school and after school. We had no doubt that the three of us would always be together in the future. …… The cracks in our relationship started when the three of us started going to a painting class that opened up in our neighbourhood.
I didn’t have any special talent. In fact, I was so bad at it at first that I was often scolded by the teacher. Both Rengo and Usa-san used to laugh at me like that. …… but I was absorbed in it. I was so absorbed in painting that it was almost pathological.
I soon quit the art class and started painting by myself. By the time I entered junior high school, all I could think about was painting, and the two of them seemed somewhat taken back. Then, after I won a prize in an overseas competition that I sent in at random, Usa san confessed her feelings to me.
I was troubled by the suddenness of it, but I decided to accept Usa-san’s favour. Because I thought that Usa-san would understand my feelings.
We went on many dates together. We started talking a lot at school. I was still thinking only about the painting, but I felt relieved when Usa-san was next to me. I believed that she understood the pain I was going through.
But after my parents died and I couldn’t paint anymore. She started to avoid me. I regretted that my parents died because of me, and I became desperate and distant from the people around me. Then everything started to go wrong.
Then the other day, I saw Rengo and Usa-san walking hand in hand.
If they’re in a relationship, that’s fine, it doesn’t matter what kind of relationship they have, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I can afford to think that now. So now, no matter what Usa-san says, I can’t go back to my original relationship.
….I just didn’t understand what Usa-san was thinking until the very end.
“Hey, are you okay? Susumu kun! Hey! Susumu kun!”
With such a voice, my consciousness is brought back to reality. …… I don’t know if I’ve had enough sleep yet, but my head feels terribly heavy.
“…… Ah, Usa-san, is that you? What’s wrong with making such a fuss?”
I wake up my body. I looked around and immediately remembered. …… Ah, yes. I was attacked by a strange guy in a back alley, and I was so tired that I fell asleep.
Usa-san looked terribly upset and grabbed my arm.
“Not What’s wrong! …… like that, sleeping in a place like this with a body covered in such wounds …… What happened? I have to call the police immediately!”
Usa-san looks panicked and takes out her phone. I grabbed Usa-san’s arm and said.
“No problem. My clothes are in tatters, but I’m not hurt. This is …… just a little bit, I got bitten playing with a big dog. It’s no big deal.”
“Playing with a dog …….”
“Anyway, don’t do anything you don’t have to……”
What is it all about? I don’t really understand it myself, so I’m at a loss for words. Usa let out a tired breath.
“Well, I’m glad you’re not hurt…… but Susumu kun, you’ve been absent from school for a long time, haven’t you? You haven’t even read any of my messages.
Something must have happened to you.”
“Ah, sorry. I’ve been a bit busy.”
“Busy? ……”
Usa-san lowers her gaze, as if somehow enduring the pain. When I look at her like that, I remember something important.
“Ah, that’s right. There was something I wanted to say to Usa-san more than that.”
“Something you want to say ……?”
Usa-san tilts her head. I said it without hesitation.
“Usa san, let’s break up.”
“……!”
For some reason, Usa-san seems upset and steps back. I couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction, as if she were in shock.
“Why do you look surprised? I’m not saying I don’t like you, right? Actually, I saw Usa-san and Rengo walking hand in hand.”
“! That was …….”
“Don’t give me excuses. No matter what reason Usa-san has or what kind of relationship the two of you have, it doesn’t matter anymore.”
I don’t have the sensibility to see Usa-san cry and apologise, and then let the pent-up emotion go away. It’s like the relationship was over in the first place. It’s as if it had just gone on and died a long time ago.
I don’t have any regrets now.
” In the first place, how is it that the messages aren’t even read? We haven’t exchanged messages for more than six months now, have we? I can’t even respond to that now.”
“…… Could it be that it’s Asama Ion’s fault?”
Usa san said.
“What do you mean by that?”
I said.
“I mean exactly what it says. Isn’t Susumu-kun seduced by that woman into having some strange fun with her? Susumu-kun, you weren’t the type of person to do something like that, right? You just fell asleep on the street during a night out, right?”
“I’m not the kind of person who would do such a thing, Usa-san, you hardly know me well enough to say such a thing, do you?”
“You don’t have to …… say it like that! We’ve been together since we were little, and even now…”
“But you didn’t even try to find out what I was suffering from.”
“That’s …….”
The night breeze caresses the cheeks. It is a dreary rainy season wind.
“I’m not saying I wanted you to be nice to me. But I jumped off the roof. I hated everything and once… I thought I was going to die.”
“……! Is that true?”
“I wouldn’t lie about something like that. I was so sick of it all, I thought I was going to die once. …… And then Asama-san helped me out.”
I took a step closer to Usa-san.
“I still don’t know whether Asama-san is a good person or not. But at least she reached out to me.”
“…… Maybe she’s just fooling you, you know?”
“That’s fine. That’s a lot better than some girl who’s holding hands with another guy and laughing while I’m suffering.”
“……!”
Usa-san grits her teeth. I take another step closer.
“Usa-san, you just wanted to be by my side when everyone was saying how great I was, didn’t you? At some point, you started to only care about what people looked at you.”
“No, that’s not true! It was just that Susumu-kun will always…….”
There, Usa-san falls silent.
“It’s not clear…….in the end, Usa-san is the same as Rengo.
He doesn’t say anything definite, but slurs his words at the most crucial points.”
It’s irritating. Not for not being clear, but for my past weak self who was afraid of breaking the relationship in the middle. If I break the relationship with Usa-san and Rengo, I’ll really be alone. Because I was afraid of that, I continued the relationship with Usa-san and Rengo in a lazy way.
But now, it’s okay. I’m no longer afraid of being alone. Because I know a girl who smiles more happily than anyone else, even if it is …… lonely.
So I said.
“─ ─ I don’t like you, Usa-san. So let’s break up already.
I mean, please leave me alone.”
After saying that, I turned my back to Usa-san. But Usa-san grabbed me by the shoulders and said.
“Don’t just say what you want to say and act like you’ve figured it out! Me too…I hate Susumu-kun too! I hate him! I don’t want people who are better than me…to be more talented than me. I can’t help but hate a certain person!”
“Then why did you say you liked me?”
“……! You said many times that you liked me too!”
“I liked Usa-san… Usa-san used to be a kind and strong person. But you’ve changed. I’ve changed too. That’s all.”
“But Susumu kun, you still can’t draw, can you?”
“…………”
I didn’t say anything back. Usa-san laughed.
“So…do you think you’ve changed by doing weird things until your clothes fall apart, getting a rich girl to take care of you? In the end, you end up just making a bunch of excuses and running away from the picture!”
“Ha, isn’t that the same for you? Usa-san used to be able to do anything, but now she’s doing a bad fake smile and flirting with men. You’re running away from working hard and being serious. Don’t act like a good woman, a vermin who makes excuses that she has no talent and only thinks about being a parasite on other people’s talent!”
I laughed. What am I getting all hot and bothered about when I said I don’t give a damn? I’m more irritated with my childhood friend for cheating on me than with the man who stabbed me in the heart with a knife and tried to feed me to the dogs for some unexplained reason.
I let out a loud, gasping breath.
“Maybe you’re jealous, Usa-san? Because I was much more talented than you, Usa-san. You used to be our leader who could do anything, but at some point you …… turned into a boring, outward-looking woman.”
“Shut up ……! Shut up shut up shut up shut up! You’re just a guy who got a good award once on a fluke, don’t you dare talk to me like that!”
Usa-san slapped me on the cheek. There’s no pain. At that level, I don’t think it hurts now.
“Asama Ion and Susumu kun, you don’t know anything! Don’t act like you know anything when you don’t know anything about me…!”
After saying that, Usa-san runs away from the place.
“You’re the one who didn’t know anything, right?”
I don’t know what that girl wanted to say in the end. But I was able to say what I wanted to say. Then I don’t have to think about anything unnecessary.
I looked up at the dim night sky and exhaled heavily.
“…… I should go home.”
I got all excited and said something stupid earlier, but I don’t think I have any talent. If I really had talent in the first place, I would still be working with my hands.
I know very well how much training goes into the people who are called geniuses. There are no piano geniuses who don’t play the piano. There are no soccer geniuses who don’t play soccer. An artistic genius who doesn’t draw pictures will never recover from that.
“It’s impossible for me, who hasn’t done much drawing lately, to suddenly be able to draw like I used to.”
I’m supposed to put myself in a special world, and I think I’ve changed because of it. Usa san’s words are out of line, but they are probably not wrong.
“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m glad we parted ways.”
I walked home with unsteady steps and collapsed on my bed. And just like that, I fell into a sleep so deep that I couldn’t dream, and when I woke up…the sky was still as dark as ever.
When I checked my phone, the date had changed.
“…… oh no, maybe I slept the whole day?”
I feel like my body is being built up funny; I’ve been asleep for over a day, but I feel light and I’m not hungry. I feel like I’m becoming a full-blown, monster.
“…… or rather, I’ve skipped school again. Asama-san, you should have woken me up.”
Just after muttering something like that, the door to the room opens and Asama-san appears.
“Good morning, Aoi-kun. I’m sorry to wake you up from sleep, but shall we go out now? I’ll show you the …… special world.”
Asama-san said that and laughed