A Cheeky Junior Denied Me My Entire Life, so I Tested What Would Happen if I Jumped off a Rooftop to Vent My Anger
Then, the next day. Walking by the address that Akanezaka-san had sent me, I found a house with the nameplate ‘Akanezaka’.
“It was quite close by, wasn’t it?”
It is a little distance from Asama-san’s flat where I live now, but it is very close to a relative’s house where I lived until just recently. Akanezaka-san’s house was there.
“It’s a pretty big house.”
A house about one size bigger than the houses built around it. The curtains throughout the house are closed, giving the impression that people are being rejected.
“…… Well, okay.”
I have some concerns, but there’s no point in getting lost now. I’m prepared to make up my mind and ring the chime of the house. ……, but no matter how long I wait, there is no response.
“Maybe she’s not home?”
Thinking so, I ring the chime again. …… But still no answer…
“……Y-you’re really here……”
The door of the front door opens halfway without a sound, and a girl with an alarmed look comes out.
She has waist-length black hair and equally light-black eyes. The girl is short and looks frail, yet has a somehow unfathomable atmosphere. …That’s it. This person is Akanezaka Iroha, the head of the art club.
“It’s been a while, Akanezaka-san. I’m Aoi from the art club, I sent you a message yesterday. I’m sorry for suddenly barging into your house. If you like, you can take this with your family.…… “
“Thanks …….”
I handed over the cake I had bought as a souvenir. Akanezaka san took it with a fearful look and said in a low voice that seemed to disappear.
“I don’t want to be exposed to too much sunlight… so if you’re going to go up, please do it quickly.”
“Ah, excuse me.”
I’m going to go up to the house as it is. ……A quick look at the house shows that it is a normal house after all. However, the curtains are closed and the lights are not on, so the whole house is dimly lit. The house is neat and tidy, but you don’t get a sense of life.
“Is there anyone in your family….. today?”
“No. I live here alone …….”
“…………”
A girl who doesn’t go to school lives alone in this large house. I’ve been through a lot of things myself, so I don’t want to delve too deeply into other people’s circumstances, but it still feels a little unnatural.
“No, I can’t speak for other people, can I……”
I’m being looked after at home by a girl who’s not my relative right now. I don’t know her well enough to ask her, “Why?” I’m sure Akanezaka-san must have been through a lot. ……
I didn’t ask anything about the details and just followed Akanezaka-san’s lead. I was guided to the living room, which was still dimly lit.
“You can sit there. I’ll go make you some tea. ……”
“Ah, don’t mind me.”
I sat down on the sofa that was recommended to me and took a deep breath. …What can I say, it’s suffocating. The living room is air-conditioned and feels cool, like a world apart from the outside. Yet, for some reason, sweat forms on my forehead. …Somehow, I feel like the air is stagnant. I’d like to at least turn on the lights since it’s dark, but I can’t do anything like that at someone else’s house.
“I think it was a mistake to come here so suddenly. ……”
After all, it might have been better to exchange a few more messages before visiting. Otherwise, I have no idea what Akanezaka san is thinking──
“Ah.”
-Then my eyes met the woman’s.
A woman, illuminated by the light flooding through the curtains. She is not …… particularly beautiful. She is a middle-aged woman who could be found anywhere. She is neither angry nor crying. She is not angry, nor is she crying, but she is looking at me with resignation and …… a piercing malice in her heart. With such a gaze, the woman is staring at me.
When I was at my relative’s house, I was often stared at with such eyes. It reminds me of my …… unpleasant past. The woman continues to stare at me with cold malice.
It was a painting of such perfection that it took my breath away.
“This is the ugly …….”
The technique is pretty good, but honestly …… I’m better. I could paint any number of things much more beautiful than this painting right now.
…… but this painting is still alive. This woman is indeed looking at me. She just keeps staring at me with an accusing gaze. …… What is this? It’s just a picture, but it makes me feel terribly bad.
That doodle that Hijiyama-san drew the other day is nothing compared to this. This is not a picture that was drawn for me, so why is it like this?
“That’s my …… mother.”
Akanezaka-san, who had returned before I knew it, muttered quietly while setting coffee and cake on the table. With that, I let out a big breath, as if the time that had stopped has started to move.
“…… what an amazing picture. It’s as if …… it’s alive.”
“It’s not like that, it’s alive. I drew this in that way.”
After saying that, Akanezaka sat down a little further away from me. …Even though she seems weak-willed, there’s something about her that makes you want to shut up.
“I saw it in the art club group. The picture you drew. …… red night sky and white flowers. You are very good at drawing, aren’t you?”
“Thank you… “
“Ah, I’m sorry, not happy about being praised by me, right?
You won a prize at the Etoile exhibition, …… so you’re not on the same level as me.”
“No, I don’t think so. …… Akanezaka-san’s paintings have a charm that my paintings don’t have.”
One more time, I turn my gaze towards that woman. …… she is still staring at me.
“Yesterday, Yasaka-sensei told me. She said I don’t understand the ugliness in beauty. But I didn’t really understand what those words meant. So I heard that Akanezaka-sensei is good at drawing the ugly, so I came here today. ……”
“Yasaka-sensei is still the same as ever, isn’t she?”
Akanezaka san took a small breath and continued speaking.
“The pictures you draw are overwhelming. Even children who know nothing about art will think that your pictures are beautiful when they see them… They make you think. That’s the power your pictures have. Power. Those who don’t have it can only look up at it…the violence of beauty, so to speak.”
“…… Is that a no-no?”
“It is not no good.
But …… it is not alive. The flowers you paint will never wither, and that red night will never dawn. So you cannot draw a human being.”
“Why…”
I’m sure I haven’t told Akanezaka-san that I can’t draw people yet. ……
“I can see it when I look at them. My eyes cannot see the beautiful world like yours. But instead, I can see the weakness of people……. Your picture has no weakness. And you can’t consider a creature without weakness to be human.”
“That’s …….”
I was at a loss for words. It’s true that I can only draw what I think is beautiful. I paint in order to make a beautiful moment, a fantasy, eternal. I don’t think that’s wrong, and even if it is, I’m not going to change that style.
But ……, yes. There is no weakness in my painting. Even that Asama-san has weakness, but my pictures don’t have it. If I draw Asama-san now, her weakness will …… disappear from her humanity. She becomes a monster that is only beautiful.
“……I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blame you. I was going to say that your painting is beautiful and you don’t need to think about anything else.”
“Oh, no, it’s okay. I’m not depressed.”
“No matter what Yasaka-sensei says, all you have to do is draw your own picture.…The only thing you can do is draw. You can’t draw a picture like me, and I can’t draw a picture like you either. Efforts only develop our individuality, but we can’t create new ones. We all have to struggle with what we can.”
“…… That’s a very meaningful quote.”
“It’s just the howl of a loser.”
“…………”
I don’t think Akanezaka san’s words are wrong. But there can’t be that many people who can separate themselves like she can. It is not as easy as it sounds to separate yourself from others without jealousy or envy. I sometimes feel that way, too, except when I’m painting.
I sipped my coffee and then looked again at Akanezaka-san’s drawings.
“…………”
A woman staring at me. It is different from what I imagined when I heard that it was a picture of ugliness. I get a dark impression, but I still don’t think it is ugly. The woman depicted by Akanezaka-san is an ordinary woman who could be found anywhere.
And yet her expression and gaze show the fundamental ugliness of human beings. The ugliness is so real that you feel this picture is alive. …… I certainly couldn’t draw a picture like this.
“…………”
But something is stuck. A discomfort. Like I’m missing something important…
“……that’s right. Apart from the painting, there was something I wanted to talk to Akanezaka-san about.”
Then I remembered the main topic and turned my gaze from the painting to Akanezaka-san.
“W-what is it ……? I don’t have money. ……?”
Akanezaka-san looks surprised and distances herself from me again.
“…… No, no, that’s not what I’m talking about.”
I think that I’m being warned somehow, but now I continue to speak.
“Akanezaka san. I’m going to ask you something strange, but did you …… tell Yasaka-sensei that you are a vampire or something like that?”
“Oh, no, that’s just a kind of …… joke! I didn’t really mean it!”
“Don’t be so upset, I’m not making fun of you. It’s just that …… I have an idea of that kind of illness. ……”
“…………”
Akanezaka san lowered her gaze with a troubled expression. I say the following words as slowly as possible.
“It’s okay if I’m wrong. But I thought maybe I could be of help to you, Akanesaka-san—“
“help ……?”
Akanesaka-san looks at me with a surprised look on her face. …I can’t decide whether this person is truly immortal or not. Maybe Akanezaka-san herself doesn’t understand.
But that doesn’t mean I can forcefully confirm it, and I don’t think Akanezaka-san would want me to go that far. So I just want to make sure she doesn’t become alone…
“─ ─ I won’t rely on anyone.”
“…… Eh?”
I asked back unintentionally, and Akanezaka-san said to me.
“Please leave. I don’t need anyone’s help.”
“Hey,……”
As it is, I am forced, forcefully, out of the house. …… Did I say something that might have offended her? I visited the house out of the blue and asked too many in-depth questions.
“It’s hot.”
The sun is still high outside the house and the clammy air clings to my skin.
“‘In the end, I still don’t know anything, do I? But ……, no, no way.”
The last thing I saw for a moment was the back of Akanezaka san’s neck. There were marks that looked like they had been bitten by a vampire.
“Anyway, I’m going to go home today. …But before that, I’d like to go eat lunch somewhere.”
After stretching lightly, I slowly walk away. …However, a voice sounded as if to interrupt it.
“Hello again, Susumu Aoi.”
“……Geh.”
When I saw the blonde girl that appeared in front of me, I couldn’t help but let out a strange voice. …Rustice Conti. The girl who was an avenger I talked to at a family restaurant the other day. She approached me more cautiously than before, and said with a nihilistic twist to her lips.
“You haven’t had lunch yet, have you? I’m just in the mood for a hamburger.”
“…… I understand.”
I exhaled heavily, as if giving up.