I Got Into a Secret Relationship With a Girl Who Was Out of My League
＊＊＊
My parents divorced when I was in junior high school.
I don’t remember feeling disappointed, but rather a sense of relief, as if to say, “Finally.”
Growing up with parents who didn’t get along, I always wondered.
Why did they get married in the first place?
My parents had a romantic marriage.
They loved each other and vowed to spend their lives together.
But eventually, the arguments became constant, and in the end, they parted ways, each saying, “I don’t love you anymore.”
Why did two people who once loved each other so deeply come to hate each other and eventually divorce?
If their feelings for each other were genuine, why did they break apart?
I began to think about such things.
Perhaps that’s why I don’t understand love.
If I was born from their love, what is the meaning of my existence now that their love was a lie?
Romantic feelings are nothing more than biological instincts…a byproduct of sexual desire.
It didn’t take me long to come to that conclusion.
“You’re thinking something difficult, aren’t you?”
After she forced her way into my house, she asked me about my upbringing and why I wasn’t interested in romance.
Nanamori skillfully worked her way into my heart, and before I knew it, I was confiding in her the feelings I had kept hidden.
Perhaps it was her communication skills, or perhaps it was her gentle, enveloping aura.
I should have listened to Nanamori, who had a gloomy expression on her face, but she wouldn’t let me.
Without comforting me for the negative emotions I had confided in her for the first time, she calmly said,
“Even more so, you’re perfect for me. You meet the conditions.”
“Conditions…?”
“Yes. The conditions for taking my virginity.”
“…You invited me, and now you’re saying it’s your first time?”
“Yes. Isn’t it your first time too, Yagami kun?”
“Yes, but…what are the conditions?”
“Not having romantic feelings for me.”
“Is that because Nanamori isn’t interested in romance?”
“Exactly. You don’t want things to get complicated after we do it, do you?””
“So you want a clear-cut, no-strings-attached relationship?”
“Exactly !”
Nanamori held up her index finger and winked cutely.
“But why do you want to do this so badly?”
“Because I hate myself.”
“……”
It was an unexpected confession.
She, who could do anything and had everything, hated herself.
“That’s why I want to defile myself. I want to lower my own value. I want to ruin myself.”
There was no trace of her earlier smile; instead, her expression was dark and filled with negative emotions, like the one I had seen in the park.
“…I see. I think I understand Nanamori’s reasons now.”
I don’t know the full story, but Nanamori must have her own complicated circumstances.
…Self-denial.
Even people who seem brilliant to others have darkness hidden in their hearts. It was a moment when I caught a glimpse of that.
“And…after hearing what you said earlier, I think Yagami kun is more appealing. I think it’s a good deal for you too, don’t you think?”
“A good deal for me?”
“Yes. First of all, you can have sex with me, who is said to be the cutest girl in school.”
“You’re saying that yourself?”
“Of course. I’m proud of it. Isn’t it a bargain to be able to use someone like that as an outlet for your desires?”
“A bargain, huh…”
“Besides, you want to know, don’t you? The difference between love and sexual desire. Even if love is impossible, don’t you think this is a good opportunity to learn about the other one?”
“……”
Nanamori’s point was valid.
Even if I say I’m not interested in love, as a teenage boy, I do have sexual desires.
The desire I want to know is one that involves another person.
If I follow the proper steps, I can only get it after falling in love.
“Won’t you regret it?”
“No, I won’t. I was the one who suggested it.”
“Alright. I’ll go along with your suggestion.”
“Well, now that I’ve come all the way to your house and everything’s ready, there’s no turning back !”
That’s true. I even stopped by the convenience store and bought condoms.
“If this works out, maybe we can do this regularly.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, you can’t tell after just one time. Besides, I don’t think my value goes down after just one time.”
…I don’t know if her self-esteem is high or low.
“Got it.”
“So, the deal is done. We won’t have romantic feelings for each other.”
“Yeah. We’re just sexual partners—casual sex partners.”
And that’s how we ended up in that relationship.
＊＊＊
After finishing for the first time, we fell asleep, and then I revealed my desires several times. Outside, the sun had completely set, and night had fallen.
“Well, I think I’ll go home now.”
Nanamori, who had finished putting on her pink underwear, said from behind me.
Even though she had been moaning so much just a moment ago, she was surprisingly matter-of-fact about it.
Come to think of it, I often hear that the first time is painful, so I wondered how it was for her. Maybe a little uncomfortable.
“I’ll walk you home.”
“You’re so kind.”
“What do you think I am?”
“I’ve heard that men get cold after they’re done.”
“…….”
The so-called “post-nut clarity.” A cool-down period to sense danger after satisfying sexual desire.
Actually, I feel like it’s dangerous to become listless. And how do you know about that?
“It’s getting dark, and it’s dangerous to be alone.”
“Then I’ll take you up on your offer.”
Nanamori nodded with a smile.
Then, wearing her uniform, Nanamori went outside with him.
The moon was beautiful tonight.
“Drop me off anywhere. Once we get to the main street, I’ll take a taxi home.”
“You’re rich.”
“Well, yeah.”
Strangely, when Nanamori said it, it didn’t sound sarcastic.
“Oh, right. About the contract…if you ever fall in love or want to date someone, let me know. I’ll cancel the contract then.”
“I don’t think that’ll happen.”
“Then that’s reassuring.”
Nanamori smiled and, as promised, caught a taxi on the main road and got in. After the door closed, the window opened, and she said one last thing.
“Well, see you later.”
She waved with a smile and disappeared as if nothing had happened. It was as if today’s events had been a dream.
For a while, I watched the taxi carrying Nanamori drive away.
“Time to go home.”
I sighed softly and turned around.
What should I have for dinner tonight? Maybe I’ll stop by the supermarket on the way home and buy a discounted bento box.
As I pondered such things, my thoughts drifted back to today’s surreal events.
Who would have thought that Nanami and I would end up in such a relationship?
They say you never know what life has in store for you.
“…Then again.”
I muttered softly as I stepped into the supermarket near my house.
The bento boxes were sold out.
Maitoshi