I Got Into a Secret Relationship With a Girl Who Was Out of My League
My head hurts.
Ever since the fight with Nanamori, I’ve been feeling off.
Where did things go wrong?
Why did I say such a thing? Looking back, I’m filled with regret.
What was the relationship between that man and Nanamori? Thinking about it now, maybe his smile at that time was forced.
I was so focused on what was in front of me that I overlooked what was important.
Yet I was jealous of that man and said cruel things to Nanamori.
Just a stress reliever and a sexual outlet.
I should have known that. I should have accepted that.
Yet I expected more from her…how arrogant of me.
It’s my fault…it’s all my fault.
Nanamori is not at fault in any way.
“N-Namori…”
As I muttered softly, my head began to throb again. My throat felt like it was on fire.
When did her presence become so entrenched in my life?
When did I start feeling so lonely living alone?
It’s different from when I caught a cold before.
I’ve experienced colds while living alone before. My body feels exhausted, and I feel an unusual longing for human touch.
Memories of my parents from the past resurfaced, making me feel suffocated.
But this time was different.
While I still felt the same loneliness that made me long for someone else, I wasn’t experiencing the same kind of pain as before.
I was just lonely. All I could think about was wanting to see her.
Beep, beep, beep.
The thermometer I had tucked under my arm beeped. Despite feeling too exhausted to move, I checked my temperature.
—39.4°C
It’s a high fever. The last time I took a day off, it was just a slight fever. It’s been a while since I’ve had such a high fever.
I know I need to eat something and take my medicine, but I couldn’t get out of bed, and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep again.
◆
“……?”
My vision was blurry, and the stains on the ceiling seemed to sway back and forth.
My forehead felt heavy. My throat was burning with pain.
Even though the futon feels like a steam bath, I can’t stop shivering.
Even when I regain consciousness, I can’t move properly.
I don’t have the energy to look at my smartphone, so I just keep tossing and turning and moaning.
…..How long have I been asleep? I think I hear a faint sound outside the room.
The sound of a key turning? Someone’s footsteps?
I thought it was a hallucination. But then the door opened.
“…Yagami kun.”
A familiar voice echoed in my ear.
I sensed someone crouching beside my pillow. When I slowly opened my eyes, there she was…Nanamori.
Surprise, confusion, and a little relief stirred in my chest.
“…Why are you here?”
That was all I could manage to say in a hoarse voice.
I didn’t want her to see me in such a weakened state. But deep down, I had also hoped she would come.
Nanamori furrowed her brow slightly and sighed.
“…Of course I’m here to take care of you. What else could it be?”
“…But we’re just…casual partners, right?”
The last conversation I had with her at that time came back to me. Those words echoed repeatedly in my head.
Even though I didn’t say them, they stuck in my heart and wouldn’t go away.
In the silence, she muttered softly.
“…We’re not just casual partners.”
Those words sounded unusually distant.
With a tearful expression, she spoke in a childlike manner, and I couldn’t help but laugh, forgetting my pain.
“Why are you laughing?”
“I don’t know…”
Even though I’m in pain. Even though it’s hard. I can’t stop my cheeks from relaxing. But I’m embarrassed to be seen like this, so I roll over slightly.
The next words I heard were even weaker than before.
“I’m sorry about the other day…I’ve wanted to apologize for a while. But I couldn’t find the words.”
The regret from that time, which had been smoldering in my heart. And the loneliness I had felt until just now was now being washed away by the fatigue.
“I’m sorry too.”
Even though I was exhausted, those words came out immediately.
Hearing those words, I could tell she was sniffling.
“Can you drink some water?”
As I took the Pocari Sweat she offered me, I smiled slightly again. Nanamori’s hand was trembling slightly.
I realized for the first time that she had such an awkward side to her. But for some reason, that awkwardness felt comforting right now.
“Thank you, Nanamori.”
I replied with a hoarse voice.
The Pocari tasted bland, but strangely, I could feel my heart filling up.
◆
After drinking a cup of Pocari, Yagami kun must have been exhausted, because he fell asleep again.
When I heard that Yagami kun had a fever, I couldn’t stay put, so I skipped my lessons again today.
I didn’t know what kind of face to make when I saw Yagami kun, but my body moved before I could think.
I bought what I needed at the pharmacy and immediately headed to Yagami kun’s house.
He might think I’m bothering him.
Even if he thinks that, when I pressed the doorbell and there was no response, I immediately took out the spare key I had borrowed and went inside.
He was sleeping in bed, breathing heavily, and when I touched his forehead, I could tell he had a high fever.
Despite feeling so unwell, Yagami kun sat up and smiled gently, thanking me.
In that moment, something that had been smoldering inside me burst forth.
Even though I was worried about him, it felt like he was telling me everything was okay.
After Yagami kun fell asleep, I went to the kitchen.
There was only one cup in the sink, nothing else. He must not have eaten anything since yesterday.
Realizing that, I hurriedly started making porridge.
I took rice from the freezer and an egg from the refrigerator, seasoning it simply with a little salt.
After it was ready, I waited until Yagami kun woke up.
That day, I stayed by his side until the very last moment I could.
And the next day, and the day after that.
After school, I went to Yagami kun’s house to take care of him.
I was worried because his fever wouldn’t go down, but his condition gradually improved.
Even though he looked exhausted, Yagami kun thanked me with a smile.
Seeing him like that, I faced the feelings that had begun to grow inside me.
…Ah. I like Yagami kun.
I finally realized that.
Maitoshi