I Liked Her First, but My Brain Was Broken, Then for Some Reason, I Became Friends With Beautiful Girls, So I’m Done My With Childhood Friends
“I don’t know what love is……”
Matsuyuki san was the first one to start off with this.
Even when she hit puberty and everyone around her became aware of the opposite sex, she did not know what that felt like.
That is why, even when a boy confessed his love to her for the first time, she did not know what romantic “love” meant.
Thinking it was a “like” rather than a “love,” Matsuyuki san returned the favor in a friendly way.
The boy later declared in class that he and Matsuyuki san had become lovers.
She hurriedly denied it, but that was a bad idea.
“Ayano chan,…..you cheated on me !”
The other boy became angry.
The girls around her also blamed Matsuyuki sab. Since the boy was very popular among the girls, the situation escalated into bullying.
“Why? We were supposed to be good friends…..”
Matsuyuki san reflected that it was not the fault of those around her, but that she had done something wrong.
This happened because she accepted the confession easily without understanding it well.
Then next time she just clearly refused.
“I’m in love with you, Matsuyuki san ! Please go out with me !”
“I’m sorry.”
Next came the chance to confess from a boy. Matsuyuki san clearly refused as she had decided.
“She said that he had put her in the mood to go out with him, but she turned him down.”
“That’s terrible, considering she was the one who initiated it.”
“She was just trying to play with him, wasn’t she?”
But again, the reaction of those around her was cold.
Here’s what they had to say. She called the boys by their names in a friendly manner. They were close. That’s why he was asking her out.
Matsuyuki san did not intend to do so. She called him by his name to get to know him as a friend. The sense of distance was the same for both boys and girls. That was all.
“After all, I was the only one who remained a child……”
Matsuyuki san looks up at the night sky and smiles weakly.
“I was taught by my elementary school teacher to call my friends by their names, and I always thought that’s why I had good friends because I had always done so……. I had no awareness of the distance between men and women, and that was probably the reason why people of the same sex would taunt me.”
Until junior high school, Matsuyuki san was frequently confessed to by boys.
Every time she was confessed to, she was disliked by those around her. Not only from the boys who she rejected, but also from the girls.
She couldn’t take it anymore and thought about going out with them, even if it was just for form’s sake, but she couldn’t do it because she felt it would be rude to accept a confession as someone who didn’t even know what love was.
Finally, Matsuyuki san asked her friend for advice.
It was the one and only best friend to whom she could talk about anything.
She wanted to get along with everyone. But she wasn’t sure about relationships yet. She didn’t want to be confessed to. She didn’t want to be bullied.
She told her everything she could think of.
“What’s that……Ayano chan, isn’t that too much?”
But her best friend’s reaction was not what Matsuyuki san expected.
It was neither comforting, sympathetic, nor cheering. Her friend stared at Matsuyuki san with hostile eyes.
The girl she thought was her only best friend was just another one of those who felt antagonistic toward Matsuyuki san.
Finally, Matsuyuki san. Before she knew it, she no longer had any friends.
“Well, that’s what happened…… I decided that if everyone was calling me a bad girl, then I would do exactly that.”
Matsuyuki san nibbled on a potato chip. The expression on her face is distorted, as if she had just tasted something bitter.
“I got a lot of confessions, and naturally I came to know where people’s favors were directed. The same goes for feelings of dislike, though…….”
Matsuyuki san continues without making eye contact with me.
“In high school, I tried to behave as best I could to avoid people confessing to me. But even so, those who confessed to me…I ended up breaking their hearts.”
If no confession is made, no one will hate you.
Still, she rejected the person who confessed to her with the vigor that would thoroughly break their heart.
If she did not do so, everyone would hate her again. If you break their heart, no one will be embarrassed and will tell others about it.
“That’s why I’m an evil woman. ……I’m a terrible woman for playing with people’s hearts.”
“Yes, you are.”
“….”
At my agreement, she looked like she was about to cry.
“But I also understand that Matsuyuki san didn’t want to be hurt any more than she already was.”
“Eh?”
I know that Matsuyuki san has probably done something wrong.
However, that didn’t mean she needed to tolerate the selfishness of those around her.
“I mean, Matsuyuki san turned down the guy’s confession because she wasn’t interested. She was being honest with him, and now they’re blaming her for it as if it was a bad thing. Who do they think they are?”
I was getting angry as I was saying it.
But I wondered if there was a difference between the people around me and myself.
I liked my childhood friend Mitsuki.
When Mitsuki got a boyfriend, I felt irrationally angry.
It was very embarrassing. It’s almost absurd for me to be angry because I didn’t even confess my feelings to her.
That’s why feelings are so troublesome. Even if it’s unreasonable, feelings can take over.
“Love is one-way. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they love you. Even if it’s mutual love, the strength of those feelings may not be the same……”
Matsuyuki san said she doesn’t know what love is.
But how much do other people know about love?
My first love was Mitsuki. I used to think so, but now I’m not so sure.
For a long time, the only person who was ever good friends with me was Mitsuki.
That’s probably why I was afraid that I would be left all alone when Mitsuki said that she had found a boyfriend. I think about it like that only now.
The feeling of my brain being destroyed into a mess……. It must have been a fear of loneliness.
If Matsuyuki san felt something similar to that fear, I felt I had no right to blame her.
“I heard that some great man once said, ‘Love is a misunderstanding’. They also say that a broken heart is a man’s medal.”
“Is that so?”
Yeah. Maybe he said it on TV or something.
“I don’t think you need to take it too seriously. Besides, you’re not acting like an evil woman right now, are you?”
“Yes ……. I have friends now.”
Matsuyuki san looked embarrassed, but also a little proud.
Maybe that “friend” is not me.
But that’s okay. She was betrayed by others, but she never stopped hoping for the best, and that’s why she was able to obtain this precious existence.
“If that is the case, then you don’t need to be pushed around by “evil woman” even more so. If you think you have changed, all you have to do is to stand tall with your chest out.”
“Yes……you’re right.”
Matsuyuki san’s cheeks relaxed as if she was relieved.
I had assumed that Matsuyuki san and I were completely different types of people.
But even though we should be completely different, I felt like we had something in common.
People often categorize themselves as introverts or extroverts, but if you look hard enough, you might find that there are some similarities between them.
“I’m sorry, Hiro kun. I’m sorry for making you listen to such a stupid story…..”
“If it’s not trivial for Matsuyuki san, it’s not trivial for me either.”
Maybe my problems are nothing serious. It takes courage to confide in people that you think so.
People might think that I’m a small person. That is also a fearful thing.
And even people who Matsuyuki san thought were her best friends might deny the very thing that is troubling her.
It is scary and very embarrassing to show your weakness……
That is why being able to confide in someone about your problems is a sign that they trust you.
I want to live up to that trust. As a friend, I wanted to help her in any way I could.
“Hm, Matsuyuki san? Your face is bright red.”
“Eh?”
I was so surprised to see her face so red that I could tell even from the street lamps in the park.
“It’s late at night, so maybe you got a cold. You should go home early and warm yourself up so you don’t catch a cold.”
“R-right.”
Matsuyuki san put away the trash as if in a hurry.
I understand why some people call her an evil woman.
But here comes the problem.
Another boy confessed to Matsuyuki san. And the fact that there may be people who hold a grudge against her.
I have to ask her to explain about that again.
“Matsuyuki san, I’ll see you tomorrow for the rest of the story.”
“Hiro kun……”
My face was kind of hot too. Maybe I was so engrossed in Matsuyuki san’s story that I put in too much effort.
“Ayano…..what are you doing in a place like this?”
I didn’t sense anyone at all until someone called out to Matsuyuki san.
I turned around and there he was, a breathtakingly beautiful man.
He called Matsuyuki’s name in a friendly manner?
The answer I could derive from that was……is this man Matsuyuki san’s ex-boyfriend!
“R-run away, Matsuyuki san !”
I quickly intervene between Matsuyuki san and the man.
Perhaps Matsuyuki san fears that the person she hurts by refusing his confession or pretending to go out with him is holding a grudge against her.
If he gets upset and attacks her….. I will have to protect her at all costs !
Maigetsu