The School’s Top Idol Is Acting Like She’s My Childhood Friend for Some Reason and Just Keeps Closing the Distance on Her Own…?! ~Stop Getting All Gloomy on Me Just Because I Turned You Down!~
Kyosuke and I went out onto the balcony of the shopping mall.
It was a place that would likely be bustling with families and couples during the day, but now that it was past evening, there were few people around. Beyond the railing, the lights in front of the station were gradually growing brighter. The sky was sinking into a deep indigo, and the windows of distant buildings glowed like tiny stars.
Hoshimiya must have sensed the mood, because she was standing a little ways off.
Not completely out of the picture, though.
Just far enough that my voice barely reached her. But close enough that she could come over immediately if anything happened. She adjusted her fashion glasses and pretended to gaze at the night view near the railing, occasionally glancing this way.
Kyosuke and I sat down on a bench that was empty.
For a while, neither of us could say anything.
I wonder when it started.
When did I start putting on a facade even around Kyosuke?
We’ve known each other since kindergarten. Until our first year of middle school, we walked to school together almost every day, laughing about silly things on the way home. Back then, I never would have thought I was putting on a show in front of Kyosuke.
A fake version of myself.
It was a defense mechanism to protect my true self from getting hurt.
I’d read the other person’s expression, choose my words carefully, and laugh along with the mood. I wouldn’t argue back. I wouldn’t speak my mind. I’d offer the reaction I thought they wanted, just a little bit early.
Only when talking to my parents could I still be myself, just a little bit.
But in front of everyone else, I’d somehow started wearing a mask without even realizing it.
Kyosuke was no exception.
“Hey, Seita.”
Kyosuke was the first to speak.
“Do you hate us?”
“Of course not.”
That was the one thing I could say right away.
“I care about you guys. As friends, I think you’re irreplaceable.”
Saying it out loud made my throat hurt a little.
Kyosuke was looking at my profile.
“Then why did you run away just now?”
It wasn’t an accusing tone.
But it was a question with no escape.
“…I lost sight of who I am.”
“Yourself?”
“I was holding back around you guys, too. I’ve been hiding my true feelings and going along with your vibe and jokes.”
I was a little afraid to look at Kyosuke’s face.
Still, I felt that if I didn’t say it, I’d just end up repeating the same thing all over again.
“It’s not that what you guys said wasn’t funny. When it was funny, it was really funny. There were plenty of times when hanging out with you guys saved me. But… you know, right? Back when I was in middle school.”
Kyosuke’s expression changed.
The lights of the nightscape cast a shadow across his profile.
“…Up until my first year of junior high, we walked to school together every day and laughed our way home every day. But once we got to our second year, you seemed like a completely different person.”
Kyosuke paused for a moment, as if choosing his words carefully.
“You looked like nothing was wrong that day… but I never would have guessed.”
That day.
Just hearing those words made my heart ache.
A small scar that became the reason I shut myself away.
A wound that should have been small had, before I knew it, spread and swallowed up my entire life.
That day was just an ordinary afternoon after school.
The sky was cloudy, but the air wasn’t bad. The classroom had its usual buzz of chatter, and I intended to go home as usual.
But I was called to the faculty room.
I was surrounded by several teachers.
[You won’t be able to do anything if you keep this up.]
[Your parents will have a hard time. When you have children of your own, you’ll be the one who suffers.]
[Think more about those around you. You’re causing trouble for everyone else.]
The words weren’t as neatly shaped as a knife.
They were duller, heavier, and harder to dodge.
Perhaps each one was meant as guidance. To the adults, they might have been words easily forgotten.
But they stayed with me.
From that day on, I started acting in ways that wouldn’t make others dislike me.
So I wouldn’t cause trouble.
So I wouldn’t get scolded.
So I wouldn’t make anyone’s face cloud over.
Reading the room. Anticipating things. Prioritizing the reaction I thought the other person wanted over my true feelings.
Before I knew it, I had a mask in my hand.
“On the way home that day”
I said, gazing at the night view.
“I scratched my neck until it turned red. I couldn’t stop crying either. But I couldn’t tell my parents.”
“Why…?”
“I thought I’d be a burden. Also, I didn’t have the courage to say it.”
Putting it into words made me feel even more pathetic than I’d expected.
A past I’d never even revealed to my parents.
Memories I’d kept bottled up inside, left to fester and grow murky.
Confiding that to Kyosuke hurt more than I could have imagined. It felt like pulling out rusty needles one by one from deep within my chest.
I told him about that day.
The words the teacher had said to me.
How, after that, I became afraid of the stares in the classroom.
How the girl I had a crush on told me to stay away from her.
How I couldn’t go to school anymore and started watching anime in my room.
How I was saved by I Don’t Need Youth.
And how, even when hanging out with Kyosuke and the others, I wore a mask so as not to worry them.
By the time I finished talking, my throat was dry.
Kyosuke didn’t say anything for a while.
He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again.
Then, he slowly bowed his head.
“I see. So that’s what happened.”
“Kyosuke?”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you back then.”
My chest tightened.
“It’s okay. It’s all in the past now. Besides, I’m the one who kept quiet. You guys didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one at fault—”
“That’s not true.”
Kyosuke’s voice grew a little firmer.
I stopped speaking.
“It’s not your fault, Seita. At the very least, it’s not right that you had to carry that burden all by yourself.”
Kyosuke didn’t take his eyes off me.
“I didn’t realize. You were smiling, so I thought you were okay. Even when I thought something was off sometimes, I didn’t know if I should pry.”
“That’s…”
“But I’m glad I heard it now.”
Kyosuke smiled slightly.
He looked lonely, but somehow relieved.
“Let me know the next time we can hang out. I’ll make time for you.”
“…Are you sure?”
“Of course.”
Kyosuke shrugged.
“Whether you’re wearing a mask or not, Seita is still Seita. Though, from now on, I’ll call you out when you’re forcing a smile.”
Hearing those words, I felt like the sludge deep in my chest had melted just a little.
It hadn’t completely vanished.
The wound hadn’t healed either.
Still, a thin crack had appeared in whatever had been frozen solid all this time.
“Thanks.”
“Sure.”
Kyosuke gave a light laugh.
Then, as if to change the mood, he gave my shoulder a light nudge.
“Anyway, you—”
“Huh?”
“Who’s that beautiful girl?”
I froze.
Kyosuke’s eyes were serious in a way they hadn’t been just a moment ago.
“I’ve never heard of a childhood friend being that beautiful.”
“No, she’s not my childhood friend—”
“I am his childhood friend.”
A voice came from behind us.
Kyosuke and I turned around.
Hoshimiya was standing there.
We hadn’t noticed when she’d approached, but she was looking at us with a gentle smile. She must have been a little ways away just a moment ago, yet her timing seemed perfect—as if she’d been waiting for our conversation to end.
No, she probably had been waiting.
Hoshimiya simply sat down next to me.
It was an all-too-natural movement.
Even though there were still empty seats on the bench, she went out of her way to sit close to me. Close enough that our shoulders might touch. Close enough to seem like she was showing off to Kyosuke, yet she kept a completely nonchalant expression.
Then Hoshimiya gently took off her fashion glasses.
Her hidden face was revealed in the glow of the night lights.
Hoshimiya Rino.
A face I’d seen countless times on TV and in advertisements as a famous idol.
The real person was smiling right next to me.
Kyosuke froze completely for a moment.
Then, his eyes widened.
“H-Hoshimiya Rino!?”
“Shh.”
Hoshimiya put her index finger to her lips.
“If people around us find out, it’ll be a real hassle.”
Saying that, she gave a mischievous smile.
Kyosuke’s face flushed bright red in an instant.
No wonder.
Most guys wouldn’t be able to handle a famous idol making a gesture like that at such close range. Hoshimiya knows exactly how to make a person’s heart race. And that was definitely done on purpose.
I glance sideways at Hoshimiya.
She looked completely unfazed.
But the fingertips pinching my sleeve were a little too firm.
The fact that I had told Kyosuke about my past.
The fact that I’d confronted Kyosuke.
She seemed to be celebrating it, yet at the same time, she looked somewhat anxious.
Maybe she thinks that by me reconciling with Kyosuke, her own position is being shaken.
It’s a hassle.
But now, I understand a little.
Hoshimiya is desperate to stay by my side.
“You… are you really Hoshimiya’s childhood friend?”
Kyosuke looks at me.
I was about to deny it immediately.
“No way—”
“Right, Seita.”
Hoshimiya looked at me.
She was smiling.
But her eyes weren’t smiling.
No, to be precise, they were smiling.
Even though she was smiling, the depths of her eyes were strangely profound. There, a different kind of emotion lay buried—one distinct from what I’d felt when I’d just told Kyosuke about my past.
I don’t want to be left behind.
I don’t want to be forgotten.
I wasn’t part of Seita’s past, but from now on, I want to be there too.
I felt like I could hear that voice, even without her saying a word.
I swallowed the denial that was on the tip of my tongue.
I couldn’t fully agree with her.
But if I strongly denied Hoshimiya right here and now, she’d put on that faint smile again.
The moment I thought that, I had already lost.
“…Apparently, we’re sort of like childhood friends.”
“What do you mean, ‘apparently’?”
Kyosuke looked confused.
It was a natural reaction.
Hoshimiya smiled contentedly.
“That’s fine for now.”
“For now?”
Kyosuke tilted his head.
I felt like pressing my hand to my forehead.
That day ended with Kyosuke still misunderstanding me.
But strangely, I didn’t feel terrible about it.
I’d managed to tell Kyosuke a little about my past.
Hoshimiya was as heavy and troublesome as ever, clearly determined to stay glued to my side.
It was a strange day.
But it was also a day when something shifted, just a tiny bit.
With the night view behind us, Kyosuke still looked confused.
Next to me, Hoshimiya wouldn’t let go of my sleeve.
I let out a small sigh.
What awaited me after I took off my mask wasn’t a peaceful resolution.
Rather, it was an even more complicated romantic comedy.
Even so.
It was just a little bit easier to breathe.
Maigetsu