The Schoolโs Top Idol Is Acting Like Sheโs My Childhood Friend for Some Reason and Just Keeps Closing the Distance on Her Ownโฆ?! ~Stop Getting All Gloomy on Me Just Because I Turned You Down!~
After school.
I sat in my seat, staring at the note on my desk.
[Got it, Rino.]
Even though I wrote it myself, it packs a serious punch.
Why does having someone call your name cause such psychological damage? Even in I Donโt Need Youth!!, the episodes where the protagonist calls the heroine by name were like weapons of mass destruction that crushed readersโ heartsโbut when it happens in real life, the impact is even greater.
I get it now.
Itโs not just for dramatic effect when romance comedy protagonists act weird during โname-callingโ scenes.
Itโs a survival instinct.
If they took it head-on, theyโd die, so they act shy or try to brush it off to spread out the damage.
Just as I was mentally drafting an apology to romance comedy protagonists, a soft voice came from my right.
โSeita.โ
โโฆโฆWhat is it, Rino?โ
She called my name.
She managed to say it.
But my heart was pounding.
Rinoโs eyes widened for just a moment, and then she almost buried her face in the desk.
โI canโt do this after all.โ
โYouโre the one who made me call you, arenโt you?โ
โHearing you call my name, Seita, is harder than I thought.โ
โDonโt make it sound like a card effect in a game.โ
Rinoโs cheeks flushed as she traced the edge of the desk with her finger.
A few students were still left in the classroom. Hara and Shinozaki were getting ready to leave a short distance away. The way they kept glancing over at us showed they were thoroughly amused.
โWant to make a little detour today?โ
Rino said that.
Her voice sounded a little different from her usual pushy way of inviting me out.
Usually, sheโd say, โLetโs go,โ as if it were a done deal. But this time, she phrased it in a way that left the choice up to me.
That, in turn, made it hard to refuse.
โWhere?โ
โThe riverbank nearby. I want to talk to Seita for a bit.โ
โI want to talk.โ
Those words lingered strangely in my chest.
I picked up my bag and nodded.
โJust for a little while, then.โ
Rinoโs face lit up instantly.
That smile alone was enough to make my teenage insecurities wave the white flag and admit, โIโve lost again.โ
ใโปใโปใโป
After leaving school, we headed for the riverbank.
The evening sky was tinged with pale orange, and tiny specks of light shimmered on the riverโs surface. There were just a few students returning from club activities and people walking their dogs here and there; it wasnโt nearly as bustling as the area in front of the station.
Rino was walking beside me.
We werenโt holding hands.
I wasnโt holding onto her sleeve either.
We were just walking side by side.
Even though that was all, I felt much closer to her than before.
Maybe itโs because I started calling her by her first name.
Even at the same distance, the meaning changes.
That scared me a little.
โSeita.โ
โYes.โ
โI was happy today.โ
โYou mean about your name?โ
โYeah.โ
ใRino nodded, still looking straight ahead.
โIโm often called Hoshimiya Rino, but I havenโt really felt happy being called just โRinoโ very often.โ
โAt work, does your name feel like part of the job?โ
โProbably.โ
Rino smiled slightly.
But there was a hint of loneliness mixed in with that smile.
โIโm happy when my fans call me โRino-chan,โ too. Iโm truly grateful for their support, and the people who like me are important to me. But with that way of addressing me, I feel like itโs directed at the Rino Hoshimiya on the other side of the screen.โ
The evening breeze ruffled Rinoโs hair.
โWhen Seita calls me โRino,โ I feel like heโs referring to meโthe one standing right here.โ
I was at a loss for words.
Just two characters.
Rino.
When I realized that just those two characters carried such meaning for her, I couldnโt bring myself to say her name so casually anymore.
But not calling her by name didnโt feel right either.
I took a shallow breath.
โโฆโฆRino.โ
She looked at me.
Her eyes shimmered, reflecting the sunset.
โI donโt claim to know everything about the celebrity Rino Hoshimiya yet. But I feel like Iโm starting to understand, little by little, the Rino who eats her lunch behind the warehouse, talks about โI Donโt Need Youth!!,โ and gets competitive when playing card games.โ
After I said that, my heart went wild.
What am I even saying?
Even though I have a complex about my youth, I shouldnโt be saying things like this to the heroine on the riverbank at dusk. The scene is way too staged. Itโs the kind of thing editors would love. The kind that makes readers cover their mouths and say, โYeah, yeah.โ
Rino stopped walking.
I stopped a moment later.
โSeita.โ
โYes.โ
โWhat you just saidโฆ made me really happy.โ
Rinoโs voice was trembling.
Her face looked like she was about to cry, but she was smiling.
โSoโฆ Seita really has found me, hasnโt he?โ
Those words sank deep into my heart.
โFound.โ
I donโt think Iโm doing anything that grand.
But maybe, for Rino, thatโs exactly what it is.
The thing she truly wanted to be foundโeven though so many people see her.
Iโm seeing a part of that.
Thinking that, the weight of responsibility felt almost frightening.
But I didnโt feel like running away like I used to.
โMe too.โ
I started to say it, then stopped.
Rino was staring intently at me.
Donโt run away.
Somewhere deep inside, thatโs what I thought.
In the past, I kept swallowing my true feelings.
I was afraid to show my feelings, so I distanced myself before I could be rejected.
As a result, I never managed to say anything.
I didnโt want to repeat thatโnot even a little bit.
โI feel like youโve seen the real me too, Rino.โ
Rinoโs eyes widened in surprise.
โEver since middle school, Iโve always thought of myself as a troublesome, gloomy person who gets in the way of others. But you see right through that, Rino.โ
โA burden?โ
โAt first.โ
โAnd now?โ
Rino asked, sounding a little anxious.
I looked at the river bathed in the sunset.
The answer was simpler than Iโd expected.
โNow, I actually find it a little helpful.โ
Rino gasped.
โSeita.โ
โYes.โ
โThatโs actually a pretty amazing thing to say.โ
โI realize that. Right now, my โyouth complexโ just fainted.โ
โSeitaโs โyouth complexโ is always so busy, isnโt it?โ
โIโm in the process of filing a workersโ compensation claim.โ
Rino laughed.
With eyes brimming with tears, she laughed happily.
Just seeing that made me feel glad Iโd said it.
Rino moved a little closer to me.
Then she gently held out her right hand.
I looked at that hand.
Slender fingers.
The fingers that had carefully slipped my cards into sleeves.
The fingers that had grabbed my sleeve so many times.
The hand that had always held me back, whether I was about to cry or feeling anxious.
โSeita.โ
Rinoโs voice was soft.
โCan I hold your hand?โ
My heart nearly stopped.
Holding hands.
Isnโt that an even bigger deal than just calling each other by name?
If this were I Donโt Need Youth!!, there would definitely be an illustration here. A riverbank at sunset. The heroine holds out her hand. The protagonist is taken aback. The reader closes the book and takes a deep breath.
Right now, Iโm standing right in the middle of that scene.
I want to run away.
But I donโt want to run away.
Iโm scared.
But I donโt mind it.
I slowly moved my fingertips, which were on the verge of trembling.
I touched Rinoโs hand.
Her fingers tentatively intertwined with mine.
We held hands.
Just that simple act made the sounds of the world seem a little farther away.
Rinoโs hand was warm.
It was smaller and softer than Iโd imagined, yet it had the strength to hold me tight.
โโฆโฆSeitaโ
โYes.โ
โYou didnโt run away.โ
โYou didnโt run away, did you?โ
โIโm so happy.โ
โMy heartโs about to burst.โ
โMe too.โ
Rino lowered her head slightly, still holding my hand.
She was red all the way up to her ears.
Iโm probably wearing a face that doesnโt give me the right to say anything, either.
This is definitely youth.
I donโt want to admit it.
I donโt want to admit it, but insisting that a couple walking hand-in-hand along the riverbank at dusk isnโt youth would be a stretch, even for me.
But weโre not lovers yet.
I havenโt confessed my feelings yet.
Our relationship doesnโt have a name.
Even so, we call each other by name and hold hands.
Weโve crossed that vague boundary by just one step.
โSeita.โ
โWhat is it, Rino?โ
When I called her name, she smiled happily again.
โCan I count today as a memory, too?โ
โโฆโฆSure.โ
โThe day Seita took my hand.โ
โThatโs a fabrication. You were the one who reached out first, Rino.โ
โBut you were the one who held it.โ
โWellโฆ I guess so.โ
Rino nodded contentedly.
We walked along the riverbank for a little while longer.
Still holding hands.
Before we got close to the station, Rino let go of my hand, looking a little reluctant.
โThis is as far as we go, then.โ
โItโs getting crowded.โ
โYeah. I donโt want to put Seita in an awkward position.โ
I was a little surprised by those words.
Rino had taken the initiative to keep her distance.
Sheโd thought about how it might make me uncomfortable.
That made me just as happy as holding her hand had.
โโฆThank you, Rino.โ
Rinoโs face flushed red in an instant.
โSeita, youโve been way too sneaky today.โ
โI think so too.โ
โBut I like it.โ
โThatโs just the kind of person I am.โ
Rino laughed.
As I watched her smile, I thought to myself.
My past hasnโt faded away yet.
The pain of rejection and my insecurities about my youth wonโt disappear so easily.
But the warmth of the hands we held today will remain as a new memory layered on top of that pain.
It isnโt overwriting the old memories.
Nor is it erasing them.
Itโs just that another memory is being added right beside them.
The day Rino and I called each other by name.
The day I held hands with Rino.
Little by little, those moments are changing my own version of youth.
โSee you tomorrow, Seita.โ
โSee you tomorrow, Rino.โ
This time, the words came out naturally.
Rino clasped her hands tightly, as if to tuck those words away in her heart.
I watched her walk away.
I wasnโt afraid to watch her go anymore.
Iโll see her again tomorrow.
Because I could believe that.
My phone vibrated the moment Rino disappeared from view.
โSeitaโ
โYour hands were warm.โ
I stared at the screen and froze for a moment.
Then, after a brief hesitation, I replied.
โYour hands were warm, too, Rino.โ
The โReadโ notification appeared instantly.
โI canโt.โ
โI wonโt be able to sleep tonight.โ
I chuckled softly.
I guess I felt the same way.
Maigetsu