I Got Into a Secret Relationship With a Girl Who Was Out of My League
A quiet atmosphere filled the classroom.
Only the teacher’s gentle voice and the occasional soft “snip” of the flower shears broke the silence.
But my hands weren’t as steady as usual.
I gripped the carnation a little too tightly, and the stem snapped.
“Oh…”
A small sound escaped my lips, and I hurriedly replaced the flower to hide my mistake.
The teacher had said that the foundation of flower arrangement is “harmony.”
Harmony between the flowers and the vase.
Harmony with the space.
And harmony with oneself.
But right now, I couldn’t even harmonize my own heart.
…Why. Why did I say something like that?
It was too late to regret it. I knew that, but my chest felt hollow.
—Just a casual partner !
It felt like those words were directed at myself.
It was supposed to be just a physical relationship, but I found myself jealous when he—Yagami kun—was with another girl.
If he were to fall in love with someone else, this arrangement would end. That’s what he said, right?
It should be a happy thing that he, who couldn’t find romantic feelings, could find such a person.
The same goes for my engagement. I didn’t want anyone to know, so I tried to hide it.
But when I finally saw that future, I suddenly became afraid.
I’d be left behind, walking a path I didn’t want to walk.
I couldn’t bear that, so I took it out on him.
The expression on his face when I said it.
I realized how much I’d hurt him.
But I couldn’t back down, so I fled the scene and came home.
I want to apologize. I want to apologize properly and go back to the way things were. But I don’t know how to say it.
When I noticed, the flower I had arranged was distorted again.
The balance between the left and right sides was off. The main branch was leaning too much.
I silently put down the scissors and exhaled softly.
“…Your heart isn’t in it today.”
The teacher’s voice rang out gently.
She was right. But I had no words to respond.
I still don’t have the courage to apologize to him.
But if I keep going like this, I’ll just get worse.
Flower arranging, my feelings—nothing was going right.
◆
Since that day, I haven’t spoken to him properly.
No matter how many times I typed a message on my phone, I deleted it just before sending it and couldn’t send it.
Even after what happened, he seemed even more vacant than before.
“Ah…”
“…”
During break time.
I happened to run into him as I was leaving the restroom. Yagami kun turned around in response to my voice and his face froze for a moment.
Then he turned on his heel and started walking away.
“W-wait !”
I called out to him without thinking. I thought he would ignore me, but he slowly turned around.
“…”
I want to apologize properly. But what if he doesn’t forgive me? When I thought about that, I couldn’t find the words.
“Um, I’m sorry. If there’s nothing else, the bell is about to ring.”
“Ah…”
In the end, all I could do was watch his back as he walked away.
“Haa…”
Even after that, we passed each other several times at school, in the classroom, and in the hallway, but we couldn’t talk.
It was the same as always, but the more I wanted to talk, the more painful it became to accept the reality.
“Haa…”
“This is serious, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
What should I do? How can I go back to the way things were before? No matter how much I think about it, I can’t find an answer.
“Hey, Hoshina, what’s wrong? You’re just sighing all the time.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah. Lately, you seem distracted again. Did something happen at home?”
“No, nothing. I’m just…a little tired.”
Even in front of Akane and the others, I couldn’t hide my worries and they showed on my face.
The two of them exchanged glances, looking unconvinced by my answer.
“If you have something on your mind, I’ll listen.”
“Yeah, it must be pretty serious if it comes to this.”
“It’s nothing big. It’s just…that thing is a bit heavy.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah…”
I didn’t want to lie to them. But how could I talk about something like this?
“Hoshina.”
“Tell us.”
“Come on, just talking about it will make you feel better.”
“Ugh…”
But their faces were serious.
I could have just said it was nothing and gotten away with it.
But I couldn’t lie to them when they were so worried about me.
“Well… actually…I had a fight with someone…”
“A fight? Hoshina? And…who is this ‘someone’?”
“…”
“Um, is it someone you can’t tell us about?”
“Yeah…”
I struggled to cover it up again, but there was no way I could say it was a classmate and a casual relationship. Or that the person was Yagami kun.
“Wait, could it be…?”
“Could it be?”
When I stumbled over my words, the two of them opened their eyes wide in surprise.
They probably didn’t know that the other person was Yagami kun. But they seemed to have noticed that it was a specific person of the opposite sex.
“Um…I’m sorry. It’s just so unexpected…”
“Yeah. Nothing like this has ever happened before. This is…”
“I’ll say it again, but we’re just friends, okay?”
“Friends, huh…?”
Their voices overlapped.
Their tone was skeptical, but they weren’t wrong.
Even a casual partner can be called a friend…it has “friend” in it.
“Well, let’s just leave it at that.”
“Why did you fight?”
“…I said something I shouldn’t have. I made the other person angry.”
“That’s rare ! Hoshina makes mistakes too.”
“Yeah. We haven’t known each other long, but I can’t imagine pure-hearted Hoshina saying something like that.”
“…I’ve said things like that before too.”
“Sorry, sorry. So, what do you want to do?”
“From the way you’re talking, you want to apologize, right?”
“…Yeah.”
“But you don’t know how to apologize.”
I nodded slightly at Kyoka’s words.
“You know, time will solve it.”
“Exactly. There’s no point in rushing human relationships. I think you should wait until the other person is ready to listen to you.”
“Yeah, yeah. If anything happens, we’ll listen to you.”
“…I see. Thanks.”
There was no specific solution. But it was true that talking to the two of them made her feel a little better.
“(You must really like him.)”
“…Akane? Did you say something?”
“No, nothing ! Come on, lunch is almost over ! We have to eat quickly !”
“Ah !”
I thought I heard Akane mutter something under her breath, but the bell signaling the end of lunch was about to ring, so I hurriedly ate my lunch.
…There will be a proper time to apologize someday.
I told myself that as I endured the sleep-inducing classes after lunch.
And the next day.
Surprisingly, that time came sooner than expected.
At school, I heard the news that Yagami kun had a fever and was absent from school.
Maitoshi