The Beautiful Girl With a Kind Personality and Good Looks, Who Happens to Be My Childhood Friend, Seems to Have Eyes Only for Me
Sometimes, there are moments when you realize, โThis is a dream.โ
(โฆThis place)
A white, unnaturally clean space.
The smell of disinfectant. Regular electronic beeps. No matter how you look at it, it’s a hospital room.
I try to move my body and immediately notice something’s wrong.
My arms are bandaged. My legs are immobilized, and my waist feels like it’s encased in armor, completely immobile.
(โฆIsn’t this a bit too real for a dream?)
The location of the pain, the heaviness in my chest when I breatheโeverything feels oddly specific.
A dream that feels like reality. No, more like tracing the past.
(If it’s a dream, couldn’t it be more convenient? Like flying through the sky, or another world, stuff like thatโฆ)
I think about trivial things, trying to look away from the sense of reality.
(โฆAh, test test. Someone help meโI’m trapped in a dream world!)
โฆOf course, there’s no response.
It seems I’m not even making a sound. My body won’t move. Only my trapped consciousness remains here.
Then, at the edge of my vision, โoutsideโ came into view.
Beyond the hospital room windowโthe hospital courtyard, perhaps? There, several children were chasing a ball.
โBasketball.
Laughter.
An ordinary, everyday scene.
Running freely, jumping, falling, laughing again.
โโฆDon’t kid me.โ
A dark emotion surged up from deep within his chest.
โHaving funโฆ not knowing anythingโฆโ
Envious?
No.
Jealous?
โฆThat too.
โโฆAnd here I am, chained to this place.โ
Thorns mingled with his thoughts.
โChasing a ball, sweating, laughing like foolsโฆ Not knowing how cruel that โordinaryโ really is.โ
โโฆDamn itโฆ Damn it all! Why nowโฆ The tournament’s coming up soonโฆ!โ
The tournamentโฆ Right. The basketball tournament is coming up soon.
I’ve been working hard with the team, practicing a lot, and everyone’s cheering us on. And Mom even said she’d take time off work to come watch!ใ
Cursing out the window, I simultaneously realized my own ugliness, and my chest ached.
At that moment, memories slowly flowed back.
โThat’s right.
I was in an accident.
Hit and run.
A car that ran the light.
The crosswalk.
The screech of brakes.
And then, the impact.
โโฆDamn itโฆโ
The scene burned into my mind.
The car speeding away.
The shadows of a woman and a child inside that car.
โโฆWhy didn’t they stop?โ
Before understanding, hatred overflowed.
โโฆWhy me?โ
I wasn’t shielding anyone.
I wasn’t a hero.
Just unlucky.
โโฆThat carโฆ That womanโฆ That childโฆโ
Every time he remembered, his heart creaked.
Anger, fear, and an overwhelming sense of helplessness.
โฆAnd yet.
Strangely, no tears came.
Only anger settled quietly, like sediment.
โโฆYou’ve got to be kidding me.โ
Then, I sensed a faint presence.
โโฆAre you okay?โ
A voice.
Startled, I looked over. In the bed at the far end of the same hospital room, someone was there.
Beyond the white curtain.
I could see the outline, but the face alone was hazy, as if shrouded in mist.
A girlโฆ I think.
(โฆWho is it?)
I couldn’t tell.
But strangely, I wasn’t afraid.
โโฆYou’ve been looking so miserable.โ
The voice was soft and quiet.
It wasn’t accusatory or pitying, just a voice that had โnoticed.โ
(โฆIs my face really that bad?)
I thought, feeling a bit self-deprecating.
โโฆIt must be hard not being able to move.โ
Those words slipped deep into my chest.
(โฆYeah)
I couldn’t put it into words.
I couldn’t make a sound.
But inside, I nodded firmly.
It’s hard.
It’s unfair.
It’s frustrating.
It’s scary.
โฆYet I couldn’t tell anyone.
โโฆYou were looking outside, weren’t you?โ
She said that and looked toward the window.
โโฆDid it look fun?โ
“โฆ”
I didn’t answer.
I couldn’t answer.
โโฆWere you jealous?โ
My chest tightened.
[โฆIt’s not just envy.]
But the rest of those words never came from her.
โโฆHey. Are you angry?โ
That question felt like it traced the exact contours of my heart.
[โฆYeah, I’m angry.]
At that car.
At that woman.
At that child.
At fate.
And at myself, who could do nothing anymore.
โโฆYou don’t have to force yourself.โ
She continued quietly from beyond the mist.
โโฆIt’ll only hurt more if you carry it all alone.โ
[โฆWho the hell are you?]
I thought it, but couldn’t voice it.
But strangely enough.
Just hearing her voice, I felt the turmoil deep in my chest calm down just a little.
The hatred hadn’t vanished.
The anger, the pain, the realityโnothing had changed.
โฆEven so.
I felt like I wasn’t alone.
โโฆHey. Is it okay if I talk to you again tomorrow?โ
Her voice carried a hint of hesitation.
โโฆDo whatever you want.โ
โโฆIsn’t it a bother?โ
โNot really. I’m bored anyway.โ
I was surprised at how blunt I sounded.
Even though, deep down, the heavy feeling from earlier had lifted a little.
โโฆThen, let’s talk tomorrow too.โ
โโฆWe don’t have to talk every day, right?โ
โโฆWhy not?โ
The girl tilted her head slightly.
โโฆThere’s nothing to talk about, is there?โ
โโฆI have things to talk about.โ
Those words lingered in my chest more than I expected.
โโฆI’m not very friendly, you know.โ
โโฆI know.โ
A small, yet definite voice.
โโฆEven so, I want to talk.โ
For a moment, I was at a loss for words.
โโฆYou’re strange.โ
โโฆMaybe.โ
Even so, her voice didn’t waver at all.
โโฆI’ll talk to you again tomorrow.โ
โโฆDo whatever you want.โ
I thought I’d replied curtly.
โโฆYeah. I’ll talk to you. Whatever.โ
Saying that, she smiledโฆ I thought she looked a little happy.
Beyond the fog, I couldn’t see her expression.
Deep inside my chest, a quiet warmth lingered that hadn’t been there before.
โฆI’m sleepy.
My consciousness slowly sank.
(โฆIf this is a dreamโฆ will I forget when I wake up?)
โNo.
I definitely won’t forget.
That car.
That woman and child.
And the โsomeoneโ beyond the fog who called out to meโsomeone I didn’t even know the name of.
Maiasa