The School’s Top Idol Is Acting Like She’s My Childhood Friend for Some Reason and Just Keeps Closing the Distance on Her Own…?! ~Stop Getting All Gloomy on Me Just Because I Turned You Down!~
“Whoa, a childhood friend!? Seita, you had a childhood friend?”
Kyosuke’s voice clearly cracked.
No wonder.
Kyosuke and I have known each other since kindergarten, so there’s no way he wouldn’t know I didn’t have anyone like that. Well, strictly speaking, he probably doesn’t know every single person I’m friends with. Still, there had never been a single time before when a girl I could call a childhood friend was standing right next to me.
“…Wait, hold on. Has there ever been someone like that…”
Kyosuke’s gaze shifted from me to Hoshimiya.
Even though she was wearing fashion glasses and dressed inconspicuously, up close, Hoshimiya Rino’s stunning looks were impossible to hide. The four boys standing next to Kyosuke clearly sensed the change in the atmosphere.
“Kyosuke, is he your friend?”
“Huh? What? girlfriend?”
“Are you serious about her being the childhood friend?”
I want to run away.
I want to run away from this place with all my might, right now.
It’s already a hassle enough if my classmates find out. And now Kyosuke, whom I’ve known since kindergarten, has shown up. On top of that, there are these guys who seem to be his new friends. If they figure out Hoshimiya’s true identity here, I can easily imagine what will happen next.
It’s going to be a hassle.
It’s definitely going to be a hassle.
I glanced sideways at Hoshimiya, my face still grim.
She looked completely serious.
She didn’t seem the least bit apologetic. If anything, she looked like she was just stating the obvious. Only the fingertips pinching my sleeve were gripping a little tighter than before.
“…Hey, Seita.”
Kyosuke looked at me as if he were a little unsure.
The surprise he’d shown moments ago had shifted to a different emotion.
Concern.
That’s probably what his expression said.
“How’s school? Are you having fun?”
At those words, something inside me reacted instinctively.
The sensation of putting on my public mask.
Lift the corners of my mouth a little. Make my voice sound cheerful. Give a light laugh to say I’m fine. Tell him I’m doing okay in my new class, don’t worry. Those words were already forming at the back of my throat.
It didn’t matter that it was Kyosuke.
If anything, it was precisely because it was Kyosuke that I needed to do this.
I’m afraid to show my true face to someone who cares about me. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want him to think I’m a hassle. So, as usual, I’ll play the part of the problem-free me.
Or so I thought.
Hoshimiya grabbed my sleeve.
It was just a tiny grip.
But that sensation stopped my fingertips, which had been about to put on my mask.
The smile I’d prepared wouldn’t stick to my face. The light words that had reached the back of my throat crumbled there. My false self began to lose its shape.
“I’m… having fun…”
My voice caught in my throat.
Kyosuke furrowed his brow.
Hoshimiya’s fingertips also froze, still clutching my sleeve.
I can’t say it.
I can’t say I’m having fun.
But I can’t say it’s painful either.
There were moments of joy. Lunch break when Hoshimiya and I talked about I Don’t Need Youth. The brief moments in the classroom when I could laugh a little. Even now, I’d come here to buy the latest volume.
But I’m not skilled enough to lump all of that into a single word: “fun.”
What kind of expression do I have on my face right now?
Am I scared?
Am I flustered?
Am I at a loss?
Kyosuke’s face grows even more worried.
Stop it.
Don’t look at me like that.
I’m supposed to smile like I always do and say I’m fine.
“I, I’m… having fun…”
Mid-sentence, memories from the past choked me.
The stiff atmosphere in the faculty room.
The heartless words hurled at me by a teacher.
The cold stares directed at me in the classroom.
The feeling of the ground giving way beneath my feet on the day I was rejected by the girl I had a crush on.
The wounds left by my junior high school days were still bleeding deeper than I’d realized.
I couldn’t breathe.
I didn’t want to be here.
Kyosuke, Hoshimiya, the unfamiliar boys, even the brightness of the shopping mall—it all suddenly felt so far away.
“Sorry…”
Saying only that, I turned my back on Kyosuke.
“Seita?”
I heard Kyosuke’s voice.
Then, I sensed Hoshimiya gasp.
But I couldn’t turn back.
I hurried away from the spot. My pace kept getting faster and faster. I thought I heard someone calling out to me from behind, but I forced myself not to listen.
I ran away.
I ran away again.
From the very place where I’d saved Hoshimiya just a few days ago, this time I was the one running away.
By the time I realized it, I was near the exit of the shopping mall.
Near the automatic doors.
In the shadow of a pillar, slightly off the main flow of people.
I stopped there and finally let out a breath.
There was no one around.
At least, not near me.
Hoshimiya wasn’t there either.
No.
I was the one who left her behind.
I didn’t shake her hand off myself. I wasn’t even holding Hoshimiya’s hand. But the result was the same. I left her there and ran away on my own.
I haven’t changed at all.
I thought I might be able to change once I started high school. I thought that if I wore a new uniform, entered a new classroom, and was surrounded by people who didn’t know my past, I might be able to become a slightly different person.
But the only thing that changed was my surroundings.
I haven’t changed a bit.
Still weighed down by my past insecurities, I couldn’t even speak properly when I ran into my friends. Even though Kyosuke went out of his way to say hello, I ran away, effectively brushing him off.
In my hand is the paper bag from the bookstore containing the latest volume of I Don’t Need Youth.
The latest volume of a romance comedy.
A story that shows me a youth straight out of a dream.
Clutching that paper bag, I’m running away from my real-life youth.
It’s not funny.
The past doesn’t disappear.
Things deeply etched into my mind don’t just fade away simply because time has passed. Physical wounds heal over time. Even if a scar remains, the pain gradually fades.
But wounds etched into the heart are different.
They open up in the blink of an eye.
Even when I think I’ve forgotten, just hearing a similar voice or catching a similar gaze brings the pain of that time flooding back.
Back then, I forgot how to wear a mask.
I lost the ability to put on a face to fit in, to say the right things to go with the flow, or to offer a light smile in return to friends who were worried about me.
Inside the shopping mall, people are coming and going, looking happy.
A child is running around with a balloon.
Students are laughing as they head toward the food court.
Adults, shopping bags in hand, are strolling through the afternoon as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
Amidst all that, I was the only one left behind.
“Seita”
A gentle voice spoke.
I turned around.
Hoshimiya was standing there.
She was slightly out of breath. She must have run all the way here looking for me. Her eyes, hidden behind her fashion glasses, flickered with anxiety. Still, the moment she spotted me, the tension in her expression eased just a little.
“So you were here.”
“Hoshimiya…-san.”
“Yeah. It’s me.”
Hoshimiya approached me slowly.
She didn’t rush, as if to make sure I wouldn’t run away. But she definitely wouldn’t let any distance open up between us. That was the way she walked.
When she stood in front of me, she reached out naturally.
She took my hand.
This time, it wasn’t my sleeve—it was my hand.
Her slender fingers touched mine. They weren’t cold. They were slightly warm. Hoshimiya held my hand, wrapping both of hers around it.
“I was worried because you went off somewhere by yourself.”
Those words alone made my heart feel like it was about to collapse.
“I… I’m an idiot.”
“That’s not true.”
“It’s true. I couldn’t even give a proper reply just because a friend called out to me. And I left Hoshimiya behind.”
“Seita.”
Hoshimiya called my name.
It was a quiet voice.
But strangely, there was a tone to it I couldn’t resist.
“Seita, you were just really struggling.”
At those words, my vision blurred.
Why was that?
She hadn’t yelled at me or blamed me.
She’d just said I was in pain.
Something trickled down my cheek.
It took me a moment to realize I was crying.
Hoshimiya’s fingertips tightened slightly around my hand.
“I still don’t know what kind of past you’ve had, Seita.”
Hoshimiya was looking at me.
“But if you’re hurting right now, Seita, I can share that pain with you. I won’t say I understand everything. But I can try to understand.”
I couldn’t say a word.
Hoshimiya’s words didn’t sound like something said on a whim. They weren’t just pretty, polished words of encouragement. It was the voice of someone who truly believed what she was saying.
“Seita, you’re not alone.”
That single sentence was simple.
It was such a cliché—the kind of phrase I’d heard countless times in stories.
But right now, it hit home.
It felt as if, while I was standing in the dark with my head down, someone had placed a small light right at my feet.
“Hoshimiya-san…”
“Yeah.”
“I… did something bad to Kyosuke.”
“Then let’s apologize to him later.”
“Can I do that?”
“Of course you can. You were able to apologize to me just a moment ago.”
Hoshimiya said that and smiled slightly.
“Besides, he was worried about you. He didn’t look angry.”
I recalled Kyosuke’s face.
A surprised face.
A worried face.
His voice calling out to me.
I took it all as if I’d been rejected, and ran away.
Maybe that wasn’t really the case.
Just being able to think that made it a little easier to breathe.
Hoshimiya kept holding my hand as she looked a little ways ahead.
“Hey, let’s calm down first.”
“Calm down?”
“Let’s go to a café and read I Don’t Need Youth. We promised to read it together a little while ago, didn’t we?”
She was pointing to a café inside the mall.
A glass-walled interior with soft lighting. A place that suited a stylish atmosphere and the people in it. Honestly, it felt a little out of place for me right now.
But Hoshimiya didn’t let go of my hand.
“You don’t have to tell me everything about your past right now, Seita.”
She said gently.
“But I want to be with you in a place where you can find a little peace right now.”
It’s heavy.
It really is heavy.
But right now, I was actually a little grateful for that weight.
My youth complex won’t disappear easily.
The pain of the past and the scars left on my heart will probably keep aching over and over again. Even if my surroundings and relationships change, there will surely be moments when I feel like I’m the only one left behind in this world.
But Hoshimiya reached out to me just as I was.
She didn’t force me to look up when I was staring down into the darkness; she just stood beside me.
I wiped away my tears and caught my breath.
“…Okay. Let’s go to the café.”
“Yeah.”
Hoshimiya smiled happily.
Then, still holding my hand, she started to walk.
“Hoshimiya-san.”
“What?”
“My hand.”
“Oh.”
Hoshimiya’s eyes widened for just a moment.
But she immediately smiled gently.
“Just a little longer. Seita, you might go off on your own again.”
“I won’t.”
“Okay. I believe you.”
Saying that, she didn’t let go of my hand.
I let out a small sigh.
It’s a hassle.
It’s heavy.
She’s too close.
But I couldn’t bring myself to forcefully pull my hand away.
As if being pulled by Hoshimiya, I headed toward the café.
Inside the paper bag, the latest volume of I Don’t Need Youth swayed quietly.
To read a romantic comedy that felt like a dream, I was walking through a real-life romantic comedy that was way too troublesome.
That contradiction was a little funny.
Maigetsu