The School’s Top Idol Is Acting Like She’s My Childhood Friend for Some Reason and Just Keeps Closing the Distance on Her Own…?! ~Stop Getting All Gloomy on Me Just Because I Turned You Down!~
A few days have passed since I told Rino about my “youth complex.”
Nothing has changed dramatically.
In the mornings, Rino is waiting in front of the convenience store, and during lunch break, we eat our boxed lunches behind the warehouse. After school, we walk home together, or if Rino is working, she sends me a message.
But inside me, there’s been a slight change.
When I get scared, I put it into words before running away.
It sounds simple, but it was hard for me. Yet Rino really did wait for me. Even when I stumbled over my words, she didn’t rush me; she just stood beside me, gently tugging at my sleeve.
Apparently, that’s different from just keeping me from running away.
What does it mean to wait?
Still, just having her fingertips there made me feel a little calmer than before.
One day after school.
Rino seemed to have work to do, so she came over to my desk before leaving the classroom.
“Seita, I can’t go home with you today.”
“I know. You have a shoot, right?”
“Yeah. But I’ll call you when I’m done.”
“Okay.”
“Make sure to return it.”
“I’ll return it when I remember.”
“I’ll text you enough times to make sure you remember.”
“The usual, huh?”
Rino smiled slightly.
Then, in a voice low enough that no one around us could hear, she said,
“If you get scared, make sure to tell me.”
For just a moment, I was lost for words.
Rino had clearly remembered what I’d told her a few days earlier.
She didn’t brush off the fact that I was struggling with my teenage insecurities and was afraid to get close to her.
“……Okay.”
“Mm-hmm.”
Rino nodded contentedly and walked out of the classroom.
Watching her back as she left, I let out a small sigh.
It’ll be fine.
Today, I’m just going home as usual.
I’ll go home, reread the I Don’t Need Youth!! anthology, and tweak my card deck. That’s all this after-school period was supposed to be.
That’s what I thought.
※ ※ ※
Maybe stopping by the bookstore in front of the station was the mistake to begin with.
No, it wasn’t a mistake.
Since the “I Don’t Need Youth!!” promotion—which came with a spin-off booklet—had started, there was no option but to stop by. It’s my duty as an otaku. It’s like paying taxes in modern society. Maybe that’s not exactly right, but in my mind, it’s close.
In the comic section of the bookstore, I picked up the volume included in the promotion.
It was a volume I already owned.
But if it came with a booklet, that was a different story.
One for my collection, one to share with others, and one to claim the bonus item.
An otaku’s wallet is always light.
“…What am I doing?”
Muttering quietly to myself, I grabbed two copies of the featured volume and headed for the register.
That’s when it happened.
“…Takahara?”
A familiar voice pierced my back.
Familiar.
The moment I felt that, my whole body went cold.
I knew even before I turned around.
I’d never forgotten this voice.
A voice I’d wanted to forget, yet one that had remained deep in my heart all this time.
I turned around slowly.
Standing there was a girl wearing a uniform from another school.
A navy blue blazer.
A ribbon in a subdued color.
Black hair that fell just below her shoulders.
Her features looked a little more mature than they did in middle school. But the impression her eyes gave off hadn’t changed. It wasn’t that they looked cold. It was just that they were the kind of eyes that clearly gauged the distance between herself and others.
Kaede Fujimiya.
The girl I had a crush on back in middle school.
And the one who had said to me:
[Could you please stop coming near me? And stay out of my class, too.]
The volume of I Don’t Need Youth!! I was holding suddenly felt heavier.
“…Fujimiya.”
I couldn’t get the words out right.
My throat went dry.
My heart was beating differently than it had been just a moment ago.
It wasn’t the fluttering I felt when I held hands with Rino.
It was a more unpleasant, cold kind of palpitations.
“Long time no see.”
Fujimiya smiled, looking slightly awkward.
The moment I saw that smile, memories flooded back on their own.
The hallway in our second year of middle school.
After school.
In front of our classroom.
I had just been trying to strike up a conversation.
I guess I misjudged the distance between us. Maybe I hadn’t thought about how she would take it. Looking back now, I can analyze it that way.
But back then, I couldn’t do that.
I just wanted to talk to the person I liked, even for a little while.
That was all.
[Could you please stop coming near me?]
With those words, the world stopped.
[And don’t come into my classroom either.]
It was the final blow.
From that day on, I began to think that my feelings made people uncomfortable.
I became afraid to get close to anyone.
I felt like just standing next to someone would be a nuisance.
That was the thorn that pierced the deepest part of my teenage insecurities.
“We went to different high schools, didn’t we?”
Fujimiya said.
“……Yeah.”
“Have you been doing okay?”
An ordinary question.
Casual words.
And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to answer.
“Have you been doing okay?”
How was I supposed to answer that?
Was I supposed to say something like, “Because of what you said, I was afraid to interact with people for a while”? No, it wasn’t entirely her fault. Part of it was me letting the wound run deeper than it needed to. The teacher’s words, the stares from those around me—it was all mixed together.
But.
But those words definitely stung.
“…Well, I guess so.”
I managed to reply.
I tried to put on my public mask.
To look like I was okay.
To smile as if nothing was wrong.
To pretend I didn’t care about the past.
But it didn’t work.
The mask slipped from my hands.
It’s not that I’d forgotten how to wear it.
It’s just that, while spending time with Rino, I’d grown accustomed to a time when I didn’t need to carry that mask around all the time.
That’s exactly why, even if I tried to put it on suddenly now, it just didn’t fit my face.
“I see.”
Fujimiya looked at my hands.
“Takahara, you still like those kinds of manga?”
There might not have been any malice in the way she said it.
But my heart ached a little again.
Manga like that.
For me, it was a lifeline.
During the time I was a shut-in, and on those nights when my heart ached, it was what kept me from completely hating my youth.
I Don’t Need Youth!! isn’t just a romantic comedy.
It was a work that, even as I hated my youth, made me want to believe in it just a little bit more.
“……I like it,”
I said.
My voice was quiet, but this time the words came out clearly.
“I like it too.”
Fujimiya looked slightly surprised.
I was surprised myself.
The old me would have definitely tried to brush it off.
“Just to kill time.”
“It was just a fluke.”
That’s how I used to treat even the things I liked so lightly.
But now it’s different.
Rino told me she liked the things I liked.
Card games, romantic comedies, and I Don’t Need Youth!! too.
She didn’t make the things I liked seem embarrassing.
That’s why, right here and now, I could hold my head up just a little bit.
“Is that so?”
Fujimiya lowered her gaze.
A brief silence fell.
I want to run away.
I want to go to the register right now, leave the bookstore, and call Rino.
I want her to ask, “Seita, what’s wrong?”
I want her to say, “If you’re not okay, just tell me.”
The moment I thought that, I realized how I’d changed.
The old me could only run away alone.
Now, Rino’s voice comes to mind as the place I want to return to.
Just that alone kept my knees from buckling, even if only slightly.
“Takahara.”
Fujimiya spoke up.
“Listen, this is about back in middle school…”
My heart nearly stopped.
Here it comes.
That story.
The one I’ve been avoiding all this time.
Fujimiya pursed her lips, looking as if she found it a little hard to say.
“I was pretty harsh, wasn’t I?”
“……”
“Back then, I was going through a lot. The boys were teasing me, and they started spreading rumors out of nowhere that I was talking to Takahara. I hated that, so I took it out on you.”
It was the first time I’d heard that story.
I couldn’t say a word.
“But I don’t think I should have said that to you, Takahara.”
Fujimiya looked at me.
“I’m sorry.”
An apology.
Maybe it was the words I’d always wanted to hear.
But when they were actually right in front of me, I didn’t know how to handle them.
If I said I forgave her, would that ease the pain?
If I said I didn’t forgive her, would I be able to move on?
I felt like neither was right.
I looked down at the copy of I Don’t Need Youth!! in my hands.
The heroine on the cover was staring right at me.
If this were a romantic comedy, the protagonist would confront their ex right here and draw a clean line under the past.
But reality isn’t that neat.
The pain remains.
Even if I’m apologized to, the words from that day won’t just disappear.
Still, I wasn’t the same person I used to be.
“……Those words really hurt.”
Fujimiya’s expression stiffened.
“To be honest, I still remember them. It’s one of the reasons I became afraid to get close to people.”
As I said that, my hand trembled slightly.
But I didn’t stop myself.
“Still, I don’t think it’s all Fujimiya’s fault. I didn’t know how to handle personal space either, and there were other things going on too.”
“Takahara……”
“It’s just…”
I exhaled.
“I don’t want to think that everything I loved, or every time I tried to get close to someone, was a mistake.”
Those were words I’d only been able to say for the first time since meeting Rino.
“So, I’ll accept your apology. But I can’t just pretend nothing happened right away.”
Fujimiya remained silent.
After a moment, she nodded quietly.
“Yeah. You’re right.”
Her face looked just a little softer than it had back in middle school.
I finally felt like I could breathe—just a little.
Just then, my phone vibrated.
I looked at the screen.
It was from Rino.
“Finished filming.”
“Seita, where are you right now?”
Just seeing those words made my heart feel warm.
Fujimiya didn’t actually glance at the screen.
But my expression must have changed.
“Is she your girlfriend?”
“…Not quite yet.”
I hesitated for a moment before saying,
“But she’s someone important to me.”
Fujimiya’s eyes widened.
Then she gave a small smile.
“I see.”
There was none of the pain in that smile that I used to feel.
It hadn’t completely disappeared.
But now, I have Rino.
Rino has given me a place to put my feelings into words before I run away.
“Well, I’m off.”
“Yeah. Takahara.”
“What?”
“I’m glad to see you’re doing well.”
Those words made my chest tighten just a little.
I don’t know if I’m really okay.
But I felt like I was looking forward more than I used to.
“……Thank you.”
I said that and headed for the register.
I paid and left the bookstore.
I texted Rino right away.
“I was at the bookstore in front of the station.”
“I’m heading home now.”.
Maigetsu