The Beautiful Girl With a Kind Personality and Good Looks, Who Happens to Be My Childhood Friend, Seems to Have Eyes Only for Me
side Ayase Haru
I had childhood friends I played with since I was little.
Kamiya Yamato and Kamiya Chiya. And then, my little sister—Ayase Mitsuri .
He was a boy who always followed me around, a bit unreliable but very friendly. Since our mothers were close, it didn’t take long for us to become friends.
“Haru-chan! Let’s play together!”
“Sure, okay.”
Back then, I thought Yamato was cute, scurrying along behind me. I felt like an older sister watching over a little brother, just like I did with my sister Mitsuri. I didn’t mind looking after him, and I never questioned how my days without plans filled up like this… as long as it didn’t have to last forever.
One day, I made plans to hang out with friends I’d become close with at school. After getting ready, just as I was about to leave the house, my mother called out to me.
“Where are you going? You can’t. I told Yamato’s mom you’d be coming over to play.”
“…Huh? But I have plans with my friends.”
“You’ll have to do that another time. Since you’re ‘childhood friends,’ go play with Yamato and the others with Mitsuri.”
“…But—”
“Understand?”
“…Yes.”
In the end, I canceled my plans with my friend and headed to Yamato’s house. My friend just smiled and said, “Oh well,” but deep down, I was left feeling nothing but guilt. And it was around this time… that I started feeling uneasy about the word “childhood friend.”
Everything revolved around Yamato’s house. I’d take Mitsuri there, spend time with him and his sister, then head home in the evening. On school days, I’d pick his up in the morning and walk side-by-side to class. Thinking about it now, that wasn’t the everyday life I’d wanted. It was the result of my mother constantly telling me, “That’s how it should be.”
[It’s such a relief having you here, Haru-chan. Would you consider becoming Yamato’s bride someday?]
[Haru-nee, let’s do it! Be onii chan’s bride!]
[Hey, you two, stop saying weird things!]
The future they cheerfully painted before my eyes always included my mother too. I watched that scene as if it were someone else’s business.
I grew increasingly sick of my mother, who said “Yamato” and “Yamato” about everything. Even Yamato, whom I once thought was cute, started to feel like a nuisance. Every time I took care of him, my mother and sister would praise me with words I didn’t understand… All of it made me feel sick to my stomach.
Because we were childhood friends, it was natural to always be together. Being by his side felt like the right thing. Within that mindset, I found myself wondering—what was I, exactly?
“…What exactly is a childhood friend?”
Childhood friends. People you’ve been with since long ago.
My existence was always placed beside Yamato. If I voiced dislike, I’d be scolded, “Don’t say such cruel things.” The slightest hint of refusal would bring yelling and pressure… Hey, I want to know.
What am I?
Just a decoration to make Yamato look better?
Or a mere symbol meant to be placed beside him?
Before I knew it, I’d started plastering on a mask-like smile.
[It’s fun being with Haru-chan!]
[Oh, really? Me too.]
[Hey, hey, Haru-nee-chan. Play with me too!]
[Sure, what should we do?]
[You’re already learning to cook? That’s impressive.]
[Thank you.]
If I just nodded, no one said anything. Only I knew whether my words came from my heart. So as long as I kept this mask on, my world was protected.
Even as a child, I was a girl, so I did dream of shoujo manga. Childhood friends falling in love, bittersweet, sometimes hurting each other, but ultimately ending up together. My friends talked about it happily, but I felt nothing.
Maybe I was strange. But to me, the sight of someone of the opposite sex devoting themselves to their childhood friend looked like a puppet with no will of its own.
The love between childhood friends depicted in so many stories. The act of giving oneself up for someone else must be beautiful.
But to me, it didn’t seem like there was any heart in it. Rather, it felt like they were being conditioned from childhood to see someone as “the one they should fall for.”
“…What exactly is a childhood friend?”
It was a question that never faded within me.
And there was only one thing I knew for certain.
—For me, the term “childhood friend” was a curse itself.
—Until that day.
I still remember the shock of that fall clearly.
It happened while playing with Mitsuri, Chiya, and Yamato. I ran too fast, tripped, and crashed to the ground.
“…Ouch…”
When I woke next, I was staring up at a white ceiling.
My arm was in a cast, my leg bandaged. Apparently, I’d broken something badly and would be hospitalized for a while.
And in the hospital room I was placed in—
There was another boy, about my age.
Lying in his bed, he barely moved, staring out the window.
His gaze was unfocused. His eyes seemed to be looking somewhere far away, as if they couldn’t quite focus.
…To be honest, I was scared.
I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
I felt like even if I spoke to him, he wouldn’t answer.
I avoided making eye contact as much as possible, spending my days just talking with Miri and the others who came to visit often.
“Onee chan, get better soon so we can play together.”
“Haru, don’t push yourself.”
“Let’s play together again, the four of us.”
Yamato, Chiya, Mitsuri—they were all so kind. But when I was here, I felt relieved, like I could escape being just a “childhood friend.”
Then, one day…
Whispering voices drifted in from the hallway.
“…Poor thing.”
“Yeah… he can’t do the sport he loved anymore, right?”
“Hit-and-run, they say. Apparently, they still haven’t caught the culprit.”
“No surveillance cameras, no witnesses…”
I couldn’t help but peek through the curtain gap at the boy in my room.
It was about that kid.
That profile staring out the window during the day.
Those eyes, empty like all emotion had drained out.
…I suddenly felt ashamed of myself for thinking he was scary.
Maiasa