The School’s Top Idol Is Acting Like She’s My Childhood Friend for Some Reason and Just Keeps Closing the Distance on Her Own…?! ~Stop Getting All Gloomy on Me Just Because I Turned You Down!~
The weekend.
I was standing at the roundabout in front of the station, ten minutes before our meeting time.
It wasn’t like I was really looking forward to it.
Well, actually, it would be a lie to say I wasn’t looking forward to it.
Kyosuke texted me, “Let’s hang out for the first time in a while,” and I replied, “Sure.” Even though that was all there was to it, I’d been feeling strangely restless since the night before.
Hanging out with a friend from middle school.
Back in the day, that would’ve been perfectly normal.
But for me, it had become something that took a little courage.
Somewhere halfway through middle school, I became afraid of interacting with people. Going to class became a burden. I overanalyzed people’s stares and the hidden meanings behind their words, and everything just became a hassle.
It wasn’t like I’d completely cut ties with Kyosuke.
But I was the one who decided to distance myself.
Even though I was the one who walked away, somewhere deep down, I felt like I’d been “left behind.” That was incredibly selfish of me. I hated that about myself, so I distanced myself even further from others.
So today, just standing here at the meeting spot, my teenage insecurities were already trembling slightly.
My phone vibrated.
It was from Rino.
“Seita, are you there yet?”
I replied right away.
“I’m here. No one’s here yet.”
The “read” notification appeared instantly.
“Are you nervous?”
“A little.”
“What if you want to run away?”
I stared at the screen and exhaled softly.
“I’ll tell you before I run away.”
Her reply came right away.
“Good, Also, let me know if there are any girls here.”
“You haven’t forgotten that part, have you?”
“Because it’s important.”
I smiled a little.
Rino’s presence weighed on me just as much as ever.
But there was a part of me that found solace in that weight.
Someone was waiting for me to come home.
Just knowing that made my footing feel a little more steady.
“Hey, Seita!”
I heard a voice.
I looked up to see Kyosuke running toward me, waving his hand. Behind him were two familiar faces.
One was the tall Takuto Saeki. Back in middle school, he and Kyosuke used to hang out at the card shop all the time. The other was the round-faced Wataru Saegusa. He’d always been a surprisingly good listener—even when I ranted about I Don’t Need Youth!!, he’d ask, “Oh, really? How many heroines?” in a casual sort of way.
“Long time no see, Takahara!”
“You’re still alive?”
“Don’t go declaring me dead on your own.”
When I replied like that, Saegusa laughed.
“Nah, it’s just that Kyosuke said he invited Seita, so I was a little surprised.”
“I’m actually a little surprised myself.”
“That’s great, though. Let’s hang out today.”
Kyosuke gave my shoulder a light pat.
The way he touched me hadn’t changed since the old days, and it made my chest ache just a little.
Some things never change.
That makes me happy.
But at the same time, it’s painful because it feels like I’m the only one who’s been stuck in the past.
“So, where are we going?”
Saeki asked.
Kyosuke said it as if it were obvious.
“The card shop, of course.”
“Cards in the middle of the day? That’s a bit much.”
“Seita, did you bring your deck?”
“Just in case.”
“That’s the spirit.”
I pressed my hand lightly against the deck case in my bag.
Sky-blue sleeves.
The sleeves Rino and I picked out together.
The moment I remembered that, my heart skipped a beat.
I’d already started bringing my memories of Rino with me, even to places where I used to hang out with old friends.
It felt strange.
At the card shop, time passed more naturally than I’d expected.
Kyosuke was still using his deck that relied on brute force, Saeki was running an overly analytical control deck, and Saegusa was pulling off weird combos while saying, “As long as it’s fun, right?”
I laughed out loud for the first time in a long while.
“Isn’t it kind of mean to play that card right there?”
“Call it strategy.”
“Seita, you’ve always been like that, haven’t you?”
“Totally. You’re usually so quiet, but when it comes to cards, you suddenly get ruthless.”
“What’s going on with my reputation here?”
We played our cards while laughing.
We won, we lost, and we laughed again.
Just spending time like that felt strangely nostalgic.
Back in middle school, there were days like this, too.
After school, we’d stop by the card shop still in our uniforms, get hyped up over silly stuff, and buy ice cream at the convenience store on the way home. I thought those days would go on forever.
But they didn’t.
Because I was the one who walked away on my own.
“Seita, what’s next?”
Kyosuke asks.
“I’m up for anything.”
“Then let’s go to the arcade. Saegusa is showing off at Taiko, so let’s take him down.”
“Don’t take him down, though.”
Saegusa laughed.
I laughed along with him.
We left the card shop and headed to the arcade in front of the station.
There, too, we had a good time.
I lost to Saeki in a fighting game, Kyosuke tried and failed to win a weird stuffed animal at the crane game, and Saeda was surprisingly good at the rhythm game, drawing stares from strangers around us.
“When did you find time to practice?”
“Lonely effort.”
“Don’t suddenly start saying cool stuff.”
Laughing, I suddenly remembered the time I came here with Rino.
How Rino had looked so serious in front of the crane game.
How she’d shown her competitive streak during the fighting game.
How she’d told me, “I want Seita again next time.”
As that memory surfaced in my mind, my cheeks grew a little warm.
“Seita?”
Kyosuke peered at my face.
“Didn’t your face just relax a little there?”
“It didn’t.”
“Yeah, it did. I bet you were thinking about that childhood friend of yours, weren’t you?”
“She’s not my childhood friend.”
“Are you still saying that?”
Kyosuke burst out laughing.
Saeki and Saegusa jumped in.
“Huh? What’s that about?”
“Seita’s a childhood friend?”
“No. It’s complicated.”
“What do you mean, a ‘complicated childhood friend’?”
I couldn’t explain it.
A woman who calls herself my childhood friend even though she isn’t, who’s a top idol right now, who harbors intense feelings for me, who calls me by my first name, who holds my hand, and who said she’d punch my ‘youth complex.’
If I tried to summarize it, it’d sound like a threatening letter.
“Like, ‘someone special’ or something.”
When I said that, the three of them froze.
“…Seita?”
“Did you just say ‘someone special’?”
“Dude, were you ever the type to say lines like that from a ‘teenage romance’ movie?”
“I’m surprised myself.”
Kyosuke grinned.
“That’s great, isn’t it?”
Those words weren’t meant to tease me.
So I was a little at a loss for how to respond.
“…Yeah.”
I gave a small nod, and Kyosuke didn’t tease me any further.
I appreciated that sense of distance.
We hung out until evening.
Finally, we went into a fast-food restaurant in front of the station and chatted about trivial things while munching on fries.
The nicknames of our middle school teachers.
Whether the manager of the card shop was still there.
The story of how Saeki joined the basketball club in high school for some reason.
The story of how Saegusa was roped into the cultural festival planning committee.
The story of how Kyosuke recently tried to get a part-time job but didn’t get hired.
It was all nonsense.
But it wasn’t bad.
I was laughing.
Probably, without even realizing it.
That’s probably why I let my guard down.
“Come to think of it, Takahara stopped coming to school partway through middle school, didn’t he?”
Saeki said casually.
He meant no harm.
It really was just the tone of someone who’d simply remembered something.
But those words struck me deep in my heart.
My fingers stopped as I was reaching for a potato chip.
“No, wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a weird way,”
Saeki panicked.
“It’s just… we suddenly felt distant from him back then. We didn’t know how to talk to him either.”
He also nodded, looking a little awkward.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t do anything back then either.”
A chill crept into the depths of my chest.
He stopped coming.
We grew distant.
I couldn’t do anything.
It’s all true.
That’s exactly why it hurts.
For a split second, I felt like I’d been transported back to my middle school classroom.
My desk.
The voices around me.
The blackboard.
Those days when I was the only one feeling suffocated, even though no one else was at fault.
Fujimiya’s words.
The teacher’s sigh.
“You’ll never amount to anything if you keep this up.”
“Your parents are going to have a hard time, too.”
“Everyone around you is having a hard time because of you, aren’t they?”
Deep inside my head, those old voices overlap.
Even though I’m in a fast-food restaurant right now, my breathing grows shallow.
“Seita.”
I heard Kyosuke’s voice.
I looked up.
Kyosuke wasn’t smiling.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
Those words brought me back to reality just a little.
I’ll say it before I run away.
Rino’s voice pops into my head.
“Tell me if you get scared.”
“Then I’ll wait for you.”
I clenched my fist on my lap.
“…Sorry. That really hit home.”
I managed to say it.
It was a quiet voice, but I said it.
Saeki and Saegusa’s eyes widened.
“I’m sorry, Takahara. I’m really sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, Saeki.”
I continued, catching my breath.
“I still find it a little hard to talk about those days. But it’s not so much that I dislike being asked—it’s more that it feels like I’m being dragged back to that time.”
I spoke, searching for the right words.
Back then, I would have just laughed it off.
No, not at all.
I don’t care.
I said that, and later, when I was alone, I felt down.
But now, it’s a little different.
“I think I ran away from myself back then. But at the same time, I also felt like I’d been left behind. That’s pretty selfish, isn’t it?”
Kyosuke shook his head.
“It’s not selfish.”
“It is selfish.”
“It’s not selfish for someone who’s struggling to feel that way.”
Kyosuke said with a serious expression.
“We didn’t know what to do either. But that doesn’t mean you have to think Seita is the only one to blame.”
Saeki nodded as well.
“I said we’d grown apart, but I wasn’t trying to blame you. I just thought it was nice that we could hang out normally today.”
He held up a french fry and smiled slightly.
“Exactly. Seita, you looked like you were really enjoying yourself while playing cards. Seeing that, I thought, ‘Ah, he’s back.’”
He’s back.
Those words made my chest tighten.
Rino had said the same thing to me.
That I’d come back from the past.
Am I really coming back to somewhere?
To the place I lost long ago.
No, it’s not the same place.
I can’t go back to my middle school days.
But maybe there’s a place where I can sit again, in a different form.
Just then, my phone vibrated.
It was from Rino.
“Seita, are you okay right now?”
The timing was too perfect.
Was I being watched?
No, but with Rino, it’s possible. No, I’d like to think that’s a long shot.
I hesitated for a moment before replying.
“I was thinking about the past a bit, and it really hit home.”
Read.
She replied immediately.
“Are you running away?”
“I’m not running away.”
“Good for you. But I’d like to hear your voice a little.”
I froze when I saw that message.
I’d like to hear your voice.
Those were the very words I wanted to send.
Even though they came from Rino, it felt as if she’d read my mind.
Kyosuke looked at me.
“Rino-chan?”
“……Yeah.”
“Why don’t you give her a call?”
“But—”
“It’s okay. We’re right here.”
Saeki nodded as well.
“Go ahead. Make sure you come back, though.”
He gave a light wave.
“I’ll save some fries for you.”
I smiled a little.
Then I got up from my seat and stepped outside the shop.
It was getting a little chilly in front of the station in the evening.
I called Rino from a spot next to the shop where there weren’t many people passing by.
It rang once before she picked up.
“Seita.”
The moment I heard her voice, the coldness deep in my chest eased a little.
“Rino.”
“Are you okay?”
“…I might not be okay.”
As usual, I almost said, “I’m fine,” but stopped myself.
Polite language.
Formal speech.
I’d always used that with Rino.
To maintain a sense of distance.
Out of courtesy.
That’s what I thought.
But maybe that wasn’t really the case.
Polite language was an escape route for me.
If I spoke politely, I could avoid getting too involved. I could keep a consistent distance from the other person. If I were rejected, I could tell myself, “I didn’t get that close.”
Even after I started calling Rino by her first name, I still kept that wall up.
“Seita?”
“Sorry.”
It just slipped out.
It wasn’t polite language.
I was a little surprised by the words that came out of my mouth.
On the other end of the line, I could sense that Rino had caught her breath.
“Seita, just now…”
“Sorry, Rino. I just remembered something from the past, and it made me feel a little overwhelmed.”
The words kept coming.
It wasn’t polite language.
But it wasn’t rude either.
Just… intimate.
They were my own words.
“But I didn’t run away. I was able to tell Kyosuke and the others that it stung a little. I still intend to go back.”
Rino was silent for a while.
Then, she let out a small sigh.
“Yeah.”
Her voice was trembling.
“Seita, you’re not using honorifics right now.”
“…I guess so.”
“I can’t.”
“Is that really the time to say that?”
“Because, Seita… you’re talking to me in a voice that feels close.”
A voice that feels close.
That phrase made my heart swell.
“Rino.”
“Yeah.”
“Me using honorifics—it probably wasn’t just a habit.”
“Yeah.”
“I think I was scared. Of getting too close. I felt like being polite left me an escape route.”
“Yeah.”
“But now, hearing your voice, Rino, I feel like I don’t need that anymore.”
After I said that, my hands started shaking.
I’m embarrassed.
I’m incredibly embarrassed.
But, strangely enough, I didn’t mind it.
Rino didn’t say anything.
Just as that silence was starting to scare me, she whispered softly.
“Seita.”
“What?”
“Call me that one more time.”
“Rino.”
“One more time.”
“Rino.”
“…I like you.”
“Don’t just blurt that out now.”
“But I can’t help it. You gave me a little more room to escape, Seita.”
Hearing those words, I gave a wry smile.
I let go.
That might be true.
Not completely, though.
I’m still scared.
I’ll probably slip back into using honorifics sometimes.
But right now, I’ve lowered the wall just a little.
“Rino.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“I don’t think I can do it all yet. I’ll probably slip into honorifics out of habit.”
“Yeah.”
“But if it’s okay to talk like this… I’ll do it, little by little.”
On the other end of the line, Rino held her breath.
“Of course it’s okay.”
Her voice was choked with tears.
“Please save that voice of yours, Seita, just for me.”
“That’s heavy.”
“Yeah. It is heavy. But I mean it.”
“I know.”
“Seita.”
“What?”
“Come back. Come back to your friends.”
Those words made my chest ache a little.
Rino wasn’t trying to keep me locked up just for her.
Come back.
Come back to your friends.
That was Rino’s way of being kind.
“Yeah. I’ll go back.”
“Let me know when you’re done.”
“Okay.”
“Seita, not using honorifics—that’s cheating.”
“How many more times are you planning to say that today?”
“Too many to count.”
I smiled a little.
Before hanging up, Rino said softly,
“Seita, you did your best.”
“…Thanks, Rino.”
I hung up the phone.
Still clutching my phone, I looked up at the sky for a moment.
The evening sky was already turning toward night.
A lingering ache remained deep in my chest.
But I could breathe a little easier than before.
When I went back inside the shop, Kyosuke and the others were munching on fries as if nothing had happened.
“Welcome back,”
Kyosuke said.
I was back.
Those words felt a little heavier and warmer than usual today.
“I’m back.”
When I replied, all three of them looked surprised for just a moment.
Then Kyosuke smiled.
“Hey.”
I sat down at my seat.
There was still a little bit of the fries left, just as Mie had said she’d save for me.
“Seita,”
Saeki said, looking a little awkward.
“Sorry about earlier.”
“It’s fine. I’m glad I was able to say it, too.”
The words came out naturally.
Kyosuke narrowed his eyes.
“You seem a little different somehow.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You’ve started to actually get angry and show when you’re in pain more than before.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“I am.”
I gave a small laugh.
Back then, I was even afraid to show that I was in pain.
But now, I can express it—just a little.
That’s probably because Rino told me she’d wait for me right by my side.
And because Kyosuke and the others treated me like I had a place to come back to.
On the way home that day.
I sent Rino a message.
“It’s over now. I stayed until the very end.”
It was marked as read right away.
“Welcome back, Seita.”
I hesitated for a moment before replying.
“I’m back, Rino.”
After sending that, I typed one more sentence.
“I feel like I was able to talk normally, just a little bit today—with you, Rino, and with Kyosuke and the others.”
There was a slight pause before Rino replied.
When the message finally arrived, I stopped in my tracks in front of the station.
“I want to hear more of those intimate words from you, Seita.”
“But there’s no need to rush.”
“I’ll wait for you.”
I exhaled softly as I stared at the screen.
The barrier of polite language.
The thorns of my teenage insecurities.
The time I’d spent with friends I’d left behind in the past.
All of that was shaken up at once today.
It hurt.
I was scared.
But I didn’t run away.
And so, I used words that were just a little more casual with Rino.
That was all.
But for me, it was a huge step forward.
“Thank you. I want to talk tomorrow.”
I sent it.
Rino’s reply came right away.
“Yeah.”
“Tell me all about it tomorrow.”
“In your own voice, Seita.”
I closed my phone and looked up at the sky as it began to turn to night.
My teenage insecurities still haven’t gone away.
But today, I felt like a new voice of my own emerged, just a little bit, from between those thorns.
Maigetsu