The Love of My Childhood Friend, Who Has Overcome a Terminally Ill Diagnosis, Is Overwhelming
A little while later, Kanadeโs mother, who was in the kitchen, called the three of us over.
It seemed she had finished cooking and wanted us to help carry the food out.
We busily carried the dishes out and arranged them tightly on the long table in the living room until it was completely full.
โWell then, letโs raise a toast to the reunion of the Ichinose and Hagiwara families.โ
โCheers!โ
At Kanadeโs fatherโs signal, we clinked the glasses we were holding.
It was a party with adults present, butโฆ the contents of everyoneโs glasses were either tea, orange juice, or Coke.
We were minors, so we couldnโt drink alcohol, and both mothers didnโt drink. Plus, my father couldnโt drink because he had to drive us home.
โHahaha. Since this is a reunion after so long, Iโll hold off on the alcohol. โฆHaha.โ
For that reason, Kanadeโs father, who had read the room and refrained from drinkingโฆ looked somewhat lonely.
โBy the way, A-kun. Youโve really grown up.โ
Just as the party was really getting going, Kanadeโs mother said to me.
โHahaha. โฆIโve still got a long way to go.โ
โExactly. Heโs still got a long way to go, a long way.โ
My mother started teasing me.
โI donโt think thatโs true, you know? Heโs really smart, isnโt he?โ
โโฆSo what if I was good at studying?โ
In the end, I havenโt accomplished anything yet.
Not wanting to ruin the mood, I couldnโt bring myself to say anything until the very end.
โSo stoic. Really.โ
โThatโs right. A-kun is stoic.โ
Kanade said with a beaming smile.
โโฆโฆOh my. My kidโs getting all excited as if it were her own achievement.โ
Kanadeโs mother gave Kanade, with his beaming face, a suspicious smile.
โโฆโฆMom?โ
โAkkun, do you remember? The day you first met my kid in the hospital room.โ
โMom!?โ
Seeing Kanade so flustered felt strangely refreshing for some reason.
โโฆI remember.โ
Or rather, there hasnโt been a single day Iโve forgotten.
โOh, really? โฆHehe. Well then, did you know that my daughter cried her eyes out after you left that day?โ
โHuh?โ
Is that so?
When I looked at Kanadeโฆ
โโฆโฆAwwโฆโ
She was covering her face with both hands. However, her earsโwhich she couldnโt hideโwere bright red, like boiled octopus.
โWhy do you think she cried?โ
โโฆโฆI donโt know?โ
โWell, itโs because she thought sheโd never see you again.โ
โPlease stopโฆโฆโ
โShe thought youโd seen how much sheโd changed and been disappointed in her. We didnโt notice, but according to this girl, who was crying and screamingโฆ apparently, for a split second, your face twitched.โ
โฆItโs true that on that day, I tried my best to hide my twitching face, but the shock was so great that I wasnโt confident how well Iโd managed to cover it up.
Setting aside Kanadeโs parents, who were watching us from the sidelines, had she actually noticed?
โโฆIโm sorry.โ
And as a result, I ended up deeply hurting Kanade.
My chest tightened with guilt.
โAkkun. What do you have to apologize for?โ
โButโฆโ
โโฆโฆThatโs right, Akkun. You donโt need to apologize.โ
Kanade came to my defense.
โโฆโฆWhen my mom asked if I wanted to meet with you, I refused at first.โ
โโฆโฆI see.โ
โOf course I did. โฆWhile I was fighting the illness, Iโd sometimes check my reflection in the mirror. Every time, seeing how my appearance was changing, I despaired over and over again.โ
โฆLearning that she had been deeply wounded in ways I didnโt know about was, for some reason, as painful as if it were happening to me.
โSuffering from the side effects of the medication, literally vomiting blood from the illnessโฆ Living that kind of life, becoming emaciated, my body growing weak, preparing myself for deathโฆ And then, once I accepted that I was going to die, I felt like my narrowed field of vision opened up a little.โ
โโฆโฆโ
โโฆโฆIt made me realize that death comes equally to all living things.โ
โฆโฆIt wasnโt the kind of atmosphere where anyone could interject.
โโฆโฆBut I think it was precisely because I realized that my vision cleared. โIโm going to die anyway.โ I was able to feel that way. In short, I was able to come to terms with it.โ
Kanadeโs monologue continued.
โAnd because I was able to come to terms with itโฆโฆ I wanted to see you one more time.โ
โฆโฆWhy was it me, of all people?
โI thought I was prepared for anything, even though Iโm not exactly the type. I was ready for you to say horrible things to me. To berate me. To cut me off. To mock me. Everything. Everythingโฆโฆโ
โโฆโฆI didnโt do any of that.โ
โRight. You didnโt do any of that. โฆEven though you were shocked by how I looked, you encouraged me.โ
Kanade smiled and looked down.
โBut back then, that was the hardest part for me.โ
โฆโฆWhy?
โโฆโฆYour stoic demeanor. The way you didnโt act like a childโฆโฆ It gave me the chance to see objectively just how hopeless my condition really was.โ
โโฆโฆ!โ
โDeep down, I thought that illness would somehow work out. I thought that as time passed, Iโd be freed from the suffering and it would fade into a distant memory. I still thought I could live.โ
โฆโฆKanade ran her finger along the corner of her eye.
โAs a result, as the despair of death spreadโฆ I thought that a normal person wouldnโt want to have anything more to do with someone in that condition. โฆBecause, becauseโฆโ
Kanadeโs voice began to tremble.
โIf it were me, Iโd never want to see someone like that againโฆ!โ
I couldnโt see Kanadeโs face.
โIf I got deeply involved with someone who might die any day now, itโd just make saying goodbye even more painfulโฆ!โ
But I could tell she was crying.ใ
โYou just want to run away from things you donโt like, right?!โ
โฆKnowing just that was enough.
โHey, A-kun!โ
Sure enough, when Kanade looked upโฆ she was crying.
โWhy did you say you wanted to have a regular meeting with meโฆ?โ
โฆIโฆ
โBecause I wanted to encourage you.โ
I answered immediately. Iโd asked myself over and over again what I was feeling at that moment.
โWhy did you want to encourage me?โ
โBecause I thought if I encouraged you, I could save you.โ
Even though there was no way I could save Kanade just by encouraging her.
โThenโฆ why did you want to save meโฆ?โ
โฆโฆThere was no need to even ask that.
It was obvious.
โBecause you were special.โ
โฆโฆIt was nothing more, and nothing less.
โโฆโฆSpecial, huh.โ
Kanade seemed to be savoring my words.
โHehehe.โ
Kanadeโs eyesโฆโฆ
โHehehehe.โ
โฆโฆ
โโฆโฆHehe.โ
It looked as if a faint light had come on in them.
โI see. Special, huh. โฆHehe. That makes me happy.โ
Kanade wiped away her tears.
โAkkun. Akkun.โ
โWhat?โ
โI think of you asโฆ special, too, you know?โ
โI see.โ
โArenโt you happy?โ
โโฆIโm not.โ
I shook my head.
โThat canโt be true.โ
When I said that, Kanadeโs face lit up.
โAkkun. Akkun.โ
Only now did I realize it.
โWhat?โ
Come to think of itโฆ right now, besides Kanade and me, my parents were also in this living room.
My parentsโฆ were watching over us with gentle smiles, observing how things unfolded.
I didnโt feel particularly embarrassed about them hearing my conversation with Kanade up close.
โฆBecause I think it was precisely because we were here that I was able to have this kind of talk with Kanade.
Everything that happened right here, right nowโฆ
Everything that happened after reuniting with herโafter weโd parted ways and I thought Iโd never see her againโฆ
โฆI felt it was something truly precious.
โโฆHehe.โ
Kanade gave a small smile.
โYou know, weโre a lot alike, arenโt we?โใ
Maiasa