Episode 32 – The Question of Responsibility


The Schoolโ€™s Top Idol Is Acting Like Sheโ€™s My Childhood Friend for Some Reason and Just Keeps Closing the Distance on Her Ownโ€ฆ?! ~Stop Getting All Gloomy on Me Just Because I Turned You Down!~


Ever since that phone call at night, my life has gotten even stranger.

I wake up in the morning.

I check my phone.

I see a message from Hoshimiya saying, โ€œGood morning, Seita.โ€

I head to school.

For some reason, Hoshimiya is waiting for me at the school gate.

Lunchtime.

I eat my lunch at my placeโ€”which also serves as Hoshimiyaโ€™s vacation home.

After school.

On days when Hoshimiya goes to work, I get a message.

On days she doesnโ€™t work, for some reason, we end up walking home together.

Insisting this isnโ€™t a romantic comedy might start to violate the law by now.

But I still wonโ€™t admit it.

Because I have a youth complex, and Iโ€™m a guy who harbors a one-sided grudge against the very concept of youth.

For example, on the way to school in the morning, Hoshimiya might say something like, โ€œI changed my hair a little todayโ€”can you tell?โ€

Any normal guy would probably savor that bittersweet moment.

But in my case, the iconic scene from I Donโ€™t Need Youth!! plays on repeat in my head.

That divine episode in Volume 7 where the protagonist notices the heroine has trimmed her bangs a little.

At that moment, I crushed my pillow while screaming through the screen, โ€œDonโ€™t notice it! No, notice it! But if you do, my reality will die!โ€

And now, in real life, Hoshimiya is doing something similar.

My โ€œyouth complexโ€ was on the verge of death from overwork.

โ€œSeita, are you listening?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m listening.โ€

โ€œSo, what do you think has changed?โ€

โ€œโ€ฆAre your bangs curled a little?โ€

When I said this timidly, Hoshimiyaโ€™s face lit up instantly.

โ€œCorrect.โ€

With that smile, the Youth Complex Committee inside me called an emergency meeting.

Agenda: Is Kiyota Takahara currently experiencing his youth?

Opposing view: This is a unilateral invasion by Rino Hoshimiya; it is not youth.

Supporting view: The moment I guessed the change in her hairstyle this morning and the heroine was happy, it was pretty much a done deal.

Vote: Death penalty.

In my mind, I buried my face in my desk.

Unaware of my state, Hoshimiya walked cheerfully beside me.

โ€œSeita, youโ€™re really paying attention, arenโ€™t you?โ€

โ€œYouโ€™d get mad if I wasnโ€™t, wouldnโ€™t you?โ€

โ€œI wouldnโ€™t get mad.โ€

โ€œYouโ€™d get upset, right?โ€

โ€œI might get upset.โ€

โ€œSee?โ€

Hoshimiya puffed out her cheeks just a little.

Cute.

This is bad.

Lately, the speed at which I find her cute has been increasing.

In the past, I could process Hoshimiyaโ€™s words and actions using the three-step process of โ€œscary,โ€ โ€œheavy,โ€ and โ€œannoying.โ€ But now, โ€œcuteโ€ keeps slipping in between.

Scary.

Cute.

Heavy.

Cute.

Annoying.

Cute.

My brain was completely glitching.

When I walked into the classroom, Hara and Shinozaki were grinning at me as usual.

โ€œGood morning. Walking to school together again today?โ€

โ€œTakahara-kun, youโ€™re not even trying to hide it anymore, are you?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s not like Iโ€™m hiding anythingโ€”itโ€™s just a coincidence.โ€

โ€œA coincidence every morning?โ€

โ€œItโ€™s a statistical anomaly.โ€

When I replied like that, Shinozaki laughed with sleepy eyes.

โ€œThatโ€™s a weak excuse.โ€

Hara looked at Hoshimiyaโ€™s hair and reacted immediately.

โ€œOh, Rino, did you curl your hair a bit today?โ€

โ€œYeah. Seita noticed too.โ€

Hoshimiya said happily.

The atmosphere in the classroom took another weird, sweet turn.

I immediately looked out the window.

I wonโ€™t look.

I wouldnโ€™t look at anything.

If I stayed in a space with such a high concentration of youth for too long, the wounds from my middle school days would start to rage, demanding, โ€œGive me a turn, too.โ€

The words the girl I liked said to me that day.

[Could you please stop coming near me?]

That memory still resurfaces in the most unexpected moments.

Getting close to someone comes with the possibility of rejection.

The closer you get, the deeper the pain when youโ€™re pushed away.

So I learned to keep my distance.

I laugh along with them, donโ€™t overstep my bounds, hide my true feelings, and stay in a position where I wonโ€™t be disliked. I thought that if I did that, I could avoid a fatal blow.

But Hoshimiya is different.

When I pull back, she steps forward.

When I fall silent, she peers in.

When I try to run away, she grabs my sleeve.

And little by little, Iโ€™m starting to stop running away.

That was what scared me the most.

Lunchtime.

I grabbed my lunch box and headed to the back of the storage room.

Hoshimiya arrived a little late today. In her hands were a lunch bag and a small acrylic keychain that looked like the latest merchandise from โ€œI Donโ€™t Need Youth!!โ€

โ€œSeita, look. I bought these on my way home from work yesterday.โ€

โ€œArenโ€™t those for your favorite character?โ€

โ€œYeah. I got one for you, too, Seita.โ€

โ€œWhy did you get one for me?โ€

โ€œI could just picture you hesitating to buy one, then giving up because of your budget.โ€

โ€œPlease donโ€™t go around knowing my financial situation.โ€

Hoshimiya held out the keychain with a smug look.

I hesitated to take it.

I accepted the gift.

It felt like another step forward in my relationship with Hoshimiya.

The old me would have definitely turned it down.

I didnโ€™t want to be a burden.

I didnโ€™t want to owe her anything.

I was afraid of getting too close.

Thatโ€™s how I used to push peopleโ€™s kindness away.

But Iโ€™ve gradually come to realize that doing so doesnโ€™t convey anything to the other person.

I exhaled and took the keychain.

โ€œThank you.โ€

Hoshimiyaโ€™s eyes widened.

โ€œYouโ€™re going to take it?โ€

โ€œWell, she’s my oshi, after all.โ€

โ€œOshi?โ€

โ€œโ€ฆAnd because you bought it for me, Hoshimiya-san.โ€

The moment I said it, Hoshimiyaโ€™s expression changed.

Joy spread across her face.

But right after that, her eyes welled up just a little.

โ€œSeita, itโ€™s mean of you to say things like that.โ€

โ€œYou call me mean a lot, donโ€™t you?โ€

โ€œBecause it makes me realize Iโ€™m inside you.โ€

Hoshimiya sat down next to me and opened her lunchbox.

We were close.

But today, even when she moved a little, I didnโ€™t move away.

Hoshimiya must have noticed, because her hand holding the chopsticks paused for a moment.

Glancing sideways, I saw she was covering her mouth.

โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong?โ€

โ€œSeita didnโ€™t run away.โ€

โ€œPlease donโ€™t say it like Iโ€™m always running away.โ€

โ€œYou are running away.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s frustrating that I canโ€™t deny it.โ€

Hoshimiya gave a small laugh.

Her smile was gentle, and I felt a little relieved.

After that, the two of us talked about our favorite episodes of I Donโ€™t Need Youth!!.

Is the episode in Volume 7 where the characterโ€™s hairstyle changes just god-tier?

In the after-party episode of the cultural festival in Volume 9, isnโ€™t the protagonist just scared, rather than clueless?

Is the unwitting rescue in the side story a sin?

As usual, Hoshimiya came up with a heavy interpretation.

โ€œYou know, I think itโ€™s the protagonistโ€™s fault when the heroine gets clingy.โ€

โ€œAre we back to the blame game again?โ€

โ€œWell, if you saved her, youโ€™d want her to stick around until the end, right?โ€

โ€œThe one who saved her has their own circumstances too.โ€

โ€œBut the one who was saved canโ€™t forget it.โ€

Hoshimiya said that and looked at me.

I stopped eating.

I already know what that look means.

To Hoshimiya, I must be the kind of protagonist who saves people without even realizing it.

Iโ€™m not that kind of person.

I just did what I could in the moment.

But in Hoshimiyaโ€™s mind, that has left a lasting impression.

โ€œโ€ฆI didnโ€™t do anything as grand as saving you.โ€

โ€œBut to me, thatโ€™s exactly what you did.โ€

Hoshimiyaโ€™s voice was quiet.

โ€œSo even if Seita doesnโ€™t feel responsible, Iโ€™ll remember it on my own. Iโ€™ll cherish it on my own. Iโ€™ll fall for you on my own.โ€

[I like you]

Those words fell behind the warehouse that afternoon.

I should have heard them several times by now, but I still canโ€™t get used to them.

I almost looked away.

But I didnโ€™t.

In the past, I would have run away.

Before she could tell me not to get close, I would have put distance between us myself.

But now, I didnโ€™t do that.

โ€œโ€ฆThatโ€™s a bit too self-centered of me, isnโ€™t it?โ€

โ€œYeah.โ€

โ€œBut I donโ€™t mind.โ€

Hoshimiyaโ€™s chopsticks stopped.

Her eyes slowly widened.

โ€œSeita.โ€

โ€œYes.โ€

โ€œI might not be able to focus on work this afternoon.โ€

โ€œWhy is that?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m just too happy.โ€

โ€œDo your best.โ€

Hoshimiya smiled, her face looking as if she might cry.

Seeing that face, I thought.

I guess I havenโ€™t just been running away from the pastโ€”Iโ€™ve learned a little something.

Keeping my feelings at a distance might be safer.

But if I keep pushing them away, nothing will ever reach anyone.

So, for now, Iโ€™ll accept just a little.

Iโ€™ll give back just a little.

That much, even I can manage right now.

The pre-class bell rang.

Hoshimiya stood up, looking reluctant to leave.

โ€œSeita, think about me this afternoon, too.โ€

โ€œI canโ€™t do that during class.โ€

โ€œThen during break.โ€

โ€œIโ€™ll do my best.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t want you to just โ€˜do your bestโ€™.โ€

Hoshimiya tugged on my sleeve.

โ€œThink about me.โ€

Her voice was so earnest.

I was defeated.

โ€œโ€ฆJust a little.โ€

Hoshimiya smiled contentedly.

Seeing that smile, my heart skipped a beat again.

My teenage insecurities were still running wild inside me.

But even so.

I could no longer completely resist this strange adolescence I was spending with Rino Hoshimiya.


Maigetsu


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