The Love of My Childhood Friend, Who Has Overcome a Terminally Ill Diagnosis, Is Overwhelming
In the end, Kanade hung around my room for about an hour, then hurriedly headed home.
I offered to walk her home since it was getting dark, but she turned me down, saying, โIโm fine.โ
I was genuinely worried for her safety, so I tried to persuade her a couple more times, butโฆ
[Iโm fine. Thereโs a radio show I want to listen to on the way home.]
โฆI didnโt quite get it, but it seemed like sheโd turned me down again based on Kanadeโs own priorities, so I reluctantly accepted it.
After Kanade went home, I returned to my room alone and hesitated about making dinner, but I wasnโt very hungry, so I decided against it.
โโฆKanade, youโve really grown up.โ
Instead, I sat down at my desk, clasped my hands behind my head, and muttered that to myself.
โฆEver since I saw her off at the airport that day, I hadnโt managed to get in touch with her even once.
I studied French, went to a university over there when it was time for college entrance exams, and I had intended to look for Kanadeโฆ but deep down, I was sure I would never see her again.
Now that Iโd been reunited with someone I thought Iโd never see again, my feelings wereโฆ complicated.
Itโs not that Iโm not happy. Of course I am.
โฆBut right now, the feeling thatโs growing the strongest inside me is a sense of helplessness.
โIn the end, I still couldnโt do anything for her.โ
A few years ago, before seeing Kanade off on her journey, I was still immature, foolish, and a coward.
Even though my parents had gone out of their way to arrange weekly visits with Kanade for my sake, I couldnโt say I made the most of them. When I saw Kanade on the brink of death right before my eyes, all I could do was cry and scream.
โฆKanade said my existence was her motivation to live, but that was surely just her doing her best to be kind.
Thatโs whyโฆ that must be why Iโm suffering so much right now.
โโฆIโll study.โ
Well, no matter how much I agonize over it, no matter how much I lament my own helplessness, the situation wonโt improve.
Just as Kanadeโs condition didnโt improve no matter how much I cried out.
Just as Kanadeโs body continued to waste away no matter how much I encouraged her.
Just as Kanade didnโt get better no matter how much I comforted her.
โฆโฆIโve been forced to realize firsthand that if I donโt want things to stay the same, I have no choice but to move forward on my own.
ใ
So, rather than agonizing over it, rather than lamenting my powerlessnessโฆ Iโll spare no effort and produce results as soon as possible.
Thatโs the only wayโI have to turn my past failures into a fighting spirit and grow significantly.
I have a dream.
It was precisely because I parted ways with Kanade that day, realized my own powerlessness, and felt I had lost a friendโno, a precious personโthat I found a goal I want to pursue.
โโฆThis time, I want to be able to save someone.โ
My dream was to become a doctor someday.
I had absolutely no intention of cursing my own helplessness like I did that day ever again.
Not by crying out, not by offering encouragement, not by offering comfortโฆ
This time, I wanted to save someone important with my own two hands.
I studied hard, solving problems from the reference books spread out on my desk.
Just how long had I been studying like that?
I didnโt know, but because Iโd been sitting at my desk in the same position for so long, my muscles had become stiff.
โโฆIโm tired.โ
As I said that and straightened my back, an eraser hit my arm and rolled onto the floor.
After letting out a sigh, I peered under the desk to pick up the eraser.
โโฆHuh?โ
Perhaps that action was my undoingโฆ
โโฆDid I plug an AC adapter in here?โ
I noticed an unfamiliar AC adapter plugged into the outlet at the back of my desk.
It was the type with just a single port for plugging in a USB cable.
โฆDid I plug an AC adapter in here a long time ago to charge my smartphone or something, and then completely forget it was even there?
No, but Iโve gone to the trouble of running an extension cord all the way up to my desk.
โฆBesides, this AC adapter doesnโt have a speck of dust on it. Itโs practically brand new.
โโฆโฆAh, I see.โ
It all made sense.
โIs this something Kanade left behind?โ
โฆโฆHaha. Kanade has a surprisingly absent-minded side to her, doesnโt she?
I gave a wry smile and put the AC adapter in my bag. I decided Iโd give it to her tomorrow at school, telling her sheโd left something behind.
โฆโฆSchool, huh.
Never mind after schoolโall day today, a crowd of classmates had gathered around Kanade.
Naturally.
Kanade is cute, friendly, and kindโฆ
โฆIโm sure tomorrow will be just like today.
โโฆI hope todayโs after-school incident doesnโt cause any trouble later on.โ
Of course, my wish didnโt come true.
Maiasa
[Iโm fine. Thereโs a radio show I want to listen to on the way home.]
YEAAAAA SURE…peeping lass. ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)