The Love of My Childhood Friend, Who Has Overcome a Terminally Ill Diagnosis, Is Overwhelming
“Akkun. Have you calmed down a bit?”
Thanks to Kanade, I did feel a little calmer.
But I couldn’t bring myself to believe everything she said.
After all… whether Takagaki-san’s younger brother is really in the hospital or not is nothing more than our speculation.
Still, if that’s the case, then the sheer absurdity of me falling apart like this despite the situation has definitely gone off the charts.
I gave a wry smile.
“Akkun. What are you laughing at?”
“Sorry. …It seems I was overthinking things.”
“Well… isn’t that just like you?”
Kanade followed my lead and gave a wry smile too.
For a moment, we just smiled wryly at each other.
Smiling at each other, feeling the warmth of her hand… it was seven in the morning.
“…Well, at the end of the day, we won’t know how Ayaka-chan’s brother is doing unless she tells us herself, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Should we ask her the next time we see her?”
“That’s what I plan to do.”
I nodded deeply.
I was so certain that I felt the need to nod so deeply… I had no doubt that the next time we met, I should ask Takagaki about her brother’s condition.
“…Hmm.”
However, contrary to my expectations, Kanade looked a little troubled.
“Akkun. Honestly, as for your opinion… I really want to agree with you, but I can’t.”
It seemed Kanade was against asking Ms. Takagaki about her brother’s condition.
“Why?”
“…Suppose you had a sibling, and you loved them deeply. Suppose that sibling had fallen ill or been injured, to varying degrees. …Would it feel good to have a stranger ask you about that?”
…I see. This must be based on Kanade’s own experience, too.
“……I’m sorry. It’s just that I didn’t like it, so I think people shouldn’t really ask others about their family’s health.”
“Come to think of it, you… didn’t tell anyone other than us about your condition, did you?”
That was the reason Kanade ended up drifting apart from almost all of her friends from elementary school.
“……Having others know about my condition is actually pretty stressful.”
Kanade spoke while looking down.
“I mean… this might sound harsh, but everyone loves hearing stories about other people’s misfortunes, don’t they? I don’t think they’re actually happy to hear about someone else’s misfortune. Sure, some people will grieve with you. But as long as they’re outsiders… seeing them get so worked up over your situation isn’t exactly a pleasant feeling for the person going through it.”
“…I see.”
“…”
“…”
“…Even so, Akkun, do you still plan to ask Takagaki about her brother’s situation?”
After a moment’s silence, Kanade asked, as if to confirm.
…Hearing Kanade’s words, I cursed my own shallow thinking just a little.
It’s true that when I asked Takagaki about her brother’s condition, I hadn’t considered how she might feel about it.
……But as her friend, I thought that if I knew how her brother was doing, maybe there was something I could do to help.
I had… misunderstood things like that.
But there’s one thing I can say for sure now.
Lately… no, on that day when I couldn’t save Kanade, I came to understand something deeply.
……In the end, I’m just a kid who can’t do anything.
That day, I couldn’t do anything for Kanade.
No, it’s not that I couldn’t do anything.
Even if I offered words of encouragement, they had no effect…
Even if I offered words of comfort, I couldn’t truly share her grief…
Even after hearing her hidden feelings, in the end, there was nothing I could do.
Since that incident, I’ve come to realize something.
Just how… powerless I am.
“…Kanade was right.”
I looked down.
“In the end, even if I heard about her brother’s condition from Takagaki-san, there’s nothing I can do.”
“…Akkun.”
“Ever since that day… ever since I was tormented by a sense of powerlessness because I couldn’t save you, I haven’t changed at all.”
…I want to change. I thought I’d been trying so hard to do just that.
“In the end, I’m still… just a helpless child.”
…I am.
“But…”
I clenched Kanade’s hand tightly.
“Just because I know I’ll be tormented by a sense of helplessness doesn’t mean it’s a reason to do nothing…”
……If I run away just because I hate feeling helpless, I’ll just end up staying a child who can’t do anything.
“Akkun. But you might be a burden to Takagaki-san.”
“That might be true. But if that’s the case, I’ll just ask her to tell me straight up that I’m a burden, and then I’ll back off.”
“……”
“Only she knows how she feels. Deep down, she might be crying out for help. So, I’m going to find out if there’s anything Takagaki-san needs from me right now…!”
Even if the result… means I’ll once again be driven to despair by my own helplessness.
“Because Takagaki-san and I are friends.”
…Even if it meant I’d end up suffering myself, the one thing I couldn’t stand was doing nothing for a friend.
Maiasa